Royane Real
Are You Too Negative?
By Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”
Has anyone ever told you that you’re a very negative person? Has anyone said that you always complain too much about everything? If you really are a very negative person, you can easily end up being very lonely with no friends.
When you talk to other people, do you spend a lot of time in your conversation talking about things like:
-How nothing ever goes right for you
-How everyone else gets all the breaks
-How other people don’t deserve the success or popularity they have
-How nothing is ever your fault, but it’s always someone else’s fault
All these sorts of remarks are indications that you spend far too much time in your conversations dwelling on the negative aspects of your life.
These sorts of negative remarks and conversation topics can easily drive other people away.
Even if you do spend a lot of time in your conversations complaining about various aspects of your life, you probably don’t think of yourself as a negative person. You probably think that you’re just being realistic. When you complain about things, or when you expect a negative outcome, you tell yourself and you tell others that you’re just being a realist.
And you may be wondering if being too negative is really such a bad thing. If you are very negative, is this something you should try to change? Wouldn’t you just turn into a big phony if you try to change your negative attitude to a positive attitude?
Here are some reasons why you should consider trying to become a positive person instead of being a negative person.
Optimistic people have healthier, happier lives and optimists have more friends than pessimists do.
If you are a very negative person you probably don’t have very many friends. In fact, you may have no friends at all. You may be very lonely. If you have no friends because you are so negative and pessimistic, you may not even realize that it’s your negative attitude that causes you to be lonely.
Why would a negative, pessimistic attitude result in a life of no friends?
The reason is that most people don’t want to spend much time around a person who is always negative and always complaining about everything. It’s depressing to be around a very negative person, so many of us will avoid negative, pessimistic and complaining people whenever we can.
We would rather spend time having a conversation with someone who is fun to be with, who is energetic and uplifting. It’s more fun to have friends who are optimistic and happy. It’s no fun at all to be around people who are depressed, negative and pessimistic.
Does that mean that you should pretend that you’re happy when you’re not, just so that other people will like you better?
I’m sure that you feel very strongly that you don’t want to be a phony. You don’t want to be one of those people who pretends that everything is fine and puts on a big phony front while their world is collapsing all around them.
So, how can we change our negative and pessimistic attitudes to positive attitudes? How can we change our negative conversation style to a more positive way of talking and relating to people?
The first thing that you should realize is that if you have a very negative attitude, and you tend to talk about negative things, it does not mean that at your core you are a negative person. It just means that you have developed a habit of thinking and interpreting things in a negative way. This has become a habit for you and you feel very safe when you do it.
A negative outlook is simply a habit, or a pattern of beliefs, and beliefs can be changed. Patterns can be changed. Habits can be changed.
You will need to substitute new patterns in the place of old patterns. You will have to learn to notice when your conversations focus too much on negative things and try to change your conversations to a more positive direction.
It won’t be easy to change the negative habits of a lifetime overnight.
Stop thinking about your own life so much, and be willing to listen to the stories that other people want to share with you.
Make a list of things that you feel grateful about. Take time every day to feel grateful about them. When you’re talking with other people and you notice that you’re making negative comments in your conversation, stop talking and change the subject.
Every time you talk with somebody, try to work into every conversation at least some mention of the things that you are genuinely happy and excited about. This will let other people know that talking with you can be a positive experience.
Royane Real is the author of “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation” To develop your social skills, download this special report today at http://www.lulu.com/real
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