Royane Real
How to Get Along With Difficult People
By: Nicky VanValkenburgh
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Does it ever seem to you as if there always has to be at least one difficult person in every organization? Someone who is just impossible to deal with in a rational way, and who makes your blood boil at times?
I don't know if this observation is true for other people, but it certainly has been true for me. Every job I have ever had, every group of friends I have ever been a part of, every organization that I have ever joined, has mostly had really nice, wonderful people, but there is always, always, always, one person at least who is just horrible to deal with.
Sometimes this one person has been so hard to get along with that it made me want to quit and walk away, leaving behind all the good things that the organization or work place had to offer.
I would become fixated on this difficult person and forget everything else that was good about the place.
Sometimes I would become very stressed, even having sleepless nights because I could not get over how angry I would become at this person.
In the following article, author Nicky VanValkenburgh talks about how to deal with difficult people, without losing your cool.
If there is anyone in your life right now that you are finding difficult to deal with, this article may offer you the help you need to reduce your stress.
( The introductory comments above are written by Royane Real )
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Feature article
How to Get Along With Difficult People
By: Nicky VanValkenburgh
Is there a difficult person in your life? We all have enemies. Perhaps you've tried to be nice. You've even tried to talk to them and win them over. Unfortunately, nothing seems to work. No matter what you do, this person is angry, disrespectful, or mean-spirited.
How should you respond?
1. Don't take it personally
Your enemy has unresolved issues that have nothing to do with you. Yes, you'd like to get along and live in peace. The best way for you to do that is to accept the situation for what it is. Remember these 12 magic words: "Not everyone is going to like me, and I'm ok with that." Repeat this phrase to yourself (like an affirmation) when dealing with your enemy.
2. Set boundaries
If you have to work with your enemy, focus your attention on the task at hand. Be business-like with your enemy. Treat them with dignity and respect, but keep things impersonal. Emotionally distance yourself from your enemy. If they start to pick a fight, don't get into it with them. Refuse to engage in their battle. Instead, stay calm and level headed. Address the situation calmly, but remain emotionally detached. If you must, walk away from a bad situation.
3. Let it go
You can't control what your enemy says or does, but you can take charge of your response. Remember that the opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference. That's the best way to deal with your enemy. You're not going to get upset, and let them ruin your day. Instead, you're going to let things go.
It isn't easy dealing with difficult people. Joel Osteen, in his excellent book, "Become A Better You," suggests that we think of ourselves as eagles, soaring high above the clouds.
Yes, there will always be buzzards and scavengers. Let them crawl around, fight amongst themselves, and continue to be miserable. You refuse to stoop to their level.
Like an eagle, you can spread your wings and soar to the top of the mountain. From the top, you can look down, and intelligently and rationally assess the situation. You might even laugh at the absurdity of it all.
From the top of the mountain, be sure to enjoy the spectacular view. Inhale the crisp mountain air. As you relax and let go, you may experience a burst of creativity.
Perhaps you will try something new, or adjust your approach in dealing with your enemy. Whatever it is, you're determined to put your best foot forward. Life is too short to be caught up in anger, petty disputes or frustration. You're a victor, not a victim. And you're ready for any challenge that comes your way.
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