How To Say No And Still Be Liked
By: Mike Lee
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
Many people have a hard time saying the word "NO" to others because they are worried that others will stop liking them. Does this happen to you?
Do you tend to say “yes” to other people’s requests because you have a hard time saying “no”? Do you often pushed into doing things you don’t really want to do because even when you do say the word “no” you don’t stick to it? Are you always giving in to other people because you desperately want them to think you are a nice person? Do you worry that you will lose your friends if you stick up for yourself?
Very often, women in particular have a hard time saying “No” to others. One reason is that we are taught to believe that men should be strong and assertive, while women should always be kind and giving. When women start to say “No” and when they stop giving too much of themselves, they may feel uneasy, because they are not accustomed to being assertive.
If you find that you are frequently in the position of being pushed into saying “Yes” when you really want to say “No”, there could be several reasons for this.
One reason could be that your friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers have gotten used to the fact that you can always be counted on, or manipulated into saying “Yes” even when you don’t really want to.
The next time you say “Yes” to something when you really wanted to say “No” ask yourself what is happening. Do you actually want to do what you are being asked or not? Do you give in only because you don’t know how to get out of the situation any other way?
One technique that has been recommended to help people become more assertive in standing up for their own needs is the technique called “broken record”. Back in the days when music recordings were played on vinyl disks, sometimes a scratch in the record would make the same phrase play over and over again until someone got up and fixed it.
To use the “broken record technique” just keep repeating your refusal in a simple, kind way. Don’t get into any details. Tell yourself in your mind that you are a broken record and that you can keep repeating this phrase all day long, until the person who is asking you finally gives up.
You don’t need to over explain your reasons. If you really don’t want to do something, sometimes it’s best to give no reasons at all. Just say, “ I don’t want to do this at this time.”
You also need to give yourself permission to stick up for yourself, and not to depend entirely on what other people are thinking of you. Here is an article by persuasion expert Mike Lee that discusses ways to say “No” to others without offending them.
( The above introductory comments were written by Royane Real, author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” available at http://www.lulu.com/real )
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Feature article:
How To Say No And Still Be Liked
By: Mike Lee
We're all been in this situation.
Somebody asks us to do him or her a favor and, though there are a gazillion other things we should do first, we find it difficult to turn the other person down because he or she has done us a favor in the past, or is a close friend or a family member. The concept of gratitude prevails and we find ourselves trapped in something we really didn't know why we committed to. We can sometimes be so worried at causing disappointment in other people, often at the expense of our own activities and interests.
Frankly, knowing how to say “No” requires skill.
Others might say that it shouldn't be hard to do. But, let's face it. We live as social beings and acceptance often occupies the number one spot in the list of virtues we want to achieve. Despite this, there are actually ways we can circumvent this difficulty using the tips that are mentioned below.
Here are five friendly, pain-free and reasonable ways to say “No”:
1. Say “No”; then show what the other person has to do to get a “Yes”.
For example: An employee is asking you for a raise but you hesitate to do so because lately he's been skipping work and picking arguments with co-workers. Yet, he looks like he really needs it and has been working for your company for three years now. You want to give him a raise, but his recent behavior is a little disappointing. How do you say “No”?
Tell him that you can't approve a raise right now, but you will do so once you see an improvement in his work ethic. You can say, "I understand your need for a salary increase, but in order for me to implement that, we'll have to work on strengthening your work habits. Now, let's see how we can make that happen"
2. Make it impersonal.
Make it sound like saying “No” was a matter of circumstance, not of choice. An example of this is: "We've just paid our mortgage and my daughter is going off to college in two weeks. I won't be able to lend you money."
3. Say “No” in a way that will make the other person say “No” to himself or herself.
Instead of saying “No”, teach the other person to say “Yes” to what you want. Do this subtly, of course.
For instance, your fashion conscious sister wants to get a pink iPod while you want a blue one. You can tell her that while pink is a cute color, it's more difficult to match with her clothes. Once you level with her and link what you want with what interests her, she'll give in and agree with you.
4. Say you want to say “Yes”, but….
Like tip number two, make it sound like you had no choice but to turn the other person down. This way, the relationship remains intact and no one gets hurt. Just don't involve other people, like blaming your saying “No” on somebody else, as this could result in conflict and ill feelings.
5. Say it nicely.
You're giving negative news, so you might as well do it nicely. Let the other person down easy to avoid misunderstandings. It's the least you can for the disappointed. People tend to be more accepting of bad news if it's brought in a polite and sympathetic manner.
Michael Lee is the author of "How to be a Red Hot Persuasion Wizard", an ebook that reveals mind-altering persuasion techniques on how to tremendously enhance your relationships & get anything you want...just like magic.
Get a sample chapter and highly-stimulating "Get What You Want" advice at http://www.20daypersuasion.com. He is the Co-Founder of http://www.self-improvement-millionaires.com
Article source: http://www.eArticlesOnline.com
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