By: Beth Banning and Neill Gibson

Introductory comments by Royane Real

Author of Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends

When we have nobody special in our lives, a lot of us spend our time thinking, “If only I had a “husband” or a “wife” then I would be happy.”

And then when we do get that special someone in our life, very often it doesn’t take very long before he or she is not so special anymore.

Instead of being a source of joy for us, this person that we have been longing to find can sometimes become a source of irritation.

Suddenly, they can’t do anything right.

And instead of us thinking “I need to have a special someone in my life in order for me to be happy”, we quickly start to think, “If only “he” or “she” would change, then I could be happy.”

This kind of thinking is very normal for most of us, but there is something really wrong with this picture.

What’s the real problem?

The real problem is that when we think in this manner, we always lay the complete responsibility for happiness at someone else’s feet.

We think that the other person is the total source of our happiness or our unhappiness.

How can we then be happy, if our happiness is completely dependent on the actions of another human being, a human we can’t really control?

The reality is that the other person is not really responsible for our happiness.

We alone are responsible for it.  We create our happiness or our unhappiness by the way we interpret the events and actions around us.

We are the creators of our happiness.  We create the possibility of happiness or unhappiness with our own thoughts.  If we are unhappy, we can learn to become happier by changing the way that we think.

You can learn more about changing your thought patterns in this article by Beth Banning and Neill Gibson.

( The above introductory comments were written by Royane Real, author of  Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends Learn how to make your friendships deeper and more satisfying.  Download it today or get the paperback version. Visit http://www.lulu.com/real )

 Feature article:

The Art Of Happiness- Authentic Tips

By: Beth Banning and Neill Gibson

Would you like to be 100% happier than you are now? How about 1,000% happier? What stands between you and having greater happiness now? Read on to see how you can discover the happiness you're looking for in your life. It's just one step away.

Have you ever noticed how often people rely on others in their pursuit of happiness? How they expect someone else to make them happy? You might hear people say things like: "If only he would be nicer." "Didn't she know that would hurt my feelings?" "I would be happy if he would only talk to me more."

When people have this idea in their head they can spend a lot of time figuring out how to fix or change other people.

Why doesn't this strategy work? Not only do the other people feel irritated, they often get defensive at your attempt to "FIX" them. And it leaves you powerless. If THEY don't change, YOU can't be happy.

But even more important is that, since what you focus your attention on grows, focusing on what you don't like will cause it to become what you notice most in your life.

Say, for example, when your significant other comes home they often leave a trail with their clothes, bags, books, whatever, strewn throughout the house. It drives you nuts! Every time you look at the residue of stuff they leave behind them, you feel irritated.

This has gone on for so long that now you notice every little piece of debris, everywhere you look, all the time.

Where you place your attention increases.

Maybe you say something like this: "Can't you pick up after yourself? You are such a slob."

It's probably not the first time you've talked about the clothes on the floor. And probably not much has changed since that first time. So what happens next?

The person leaving the clothes around probably gets annoyed at being told what to do. You lose hope that things will ever change. And you focus more and more on what you don't enjoy about your partner.

Remember, what you focus your attention on grows!

So here it is, the step that will move you closer to being happier than ever before: Develop YOUR ability to focus your attention on what you ENJOY.

Maybe this sounds too simple. But ask yourself: "What would my day be like if I started and ended it by simply noticing or remembering everything that I enjoy in my life?"

Remember, what you focus your attention on grows. Focus on what you enjoy - it's quite simply the fastest, easiest step you can take to start finding happiness in every moment.

Try this. Imagine you have an emotional bank account. Every one of your thoughts makes a deposit. This means that if you're constantly depositing painful memories in your emotional bank account, they will grow and grow.

Those painful memories will multiply just like in regular bank account giving interest. What's this? It's compounding the effect of thoughts like: "What a slob!" with more thoughts like: "She doesn't care about me. " or "He's the most selfish person I've ever met."

Now, do you feel happy?

Take each day and look for things you are grateful for and really bring you true pleasure.

Your significant other comes into the house and smiles. Is that something to be thankful for? They ask you if you would like a cup of tea. Is that something to be thankful for? You see them put something away, without being asked. Is that something to be thankful for?

Now imagine depositing these memories in your emotional bank account, day after day. And compound them with as many other thankful, grateful thoughts as you can so they grow and grow. "I love it when he remembers I like milk in my coffee; he's so considerate sometimes." "I'm so glad we like doing things together." "We just have so much in common; she is so much fun to be with"

How do you feel now?

Happy or sad, good or bad, pleasure or pain - authentic happiness is up to you. Focus on what you enjoy. Enjoy being thankful. It's something anyone can do, even you.

What you focus your attention on will grow. You do have an emotional bank account so start saving your happiness up today. With a bank-full of thankful, you'll be a master at the art of "having happiness now."

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