By Royane Real

Author of  "Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends"  

Many people who are lonely or who suffer from deep shyness have a terrible fear of being rejected.  This fear of rejection can be so crippling that it keeps them from reaching out to others. 

Not every person has a great fear of getting rejected.  Some people get over social rejection very quickly, but for others, the fear of rejection causes major problems. 

Those people who suffer from a fear of rejection often end up living very lonely lives, because they are afraid to reach out to anybody.  If you have a fear of getting rejected, it is worth making the effort to try to overcome this fear.

One common reason why people have a fear of being rejected is because they have had a lot of problems in their childhood.  Perhaps they had parents who neglected them or maybe even abandoned them.  These people often grow up believing that they were rejected by their parents because they weren’t good enough.

If this has happened to you, the best way to deal with it is to get a very good therapist and make a commitment to overcoming the wounds of your childhood with their help.

A therapist who specializes in helping people get over their fear of rejection can help you to reach out socially to other people. 

If you have a lot of fear of rejection, chances are that you think you are the only one who feels this way.  You probably look at popular people around you and you imagine that these people never get rejected.

The truth is that everybody gets rejected at times.  There are times when we get rejected for little things like being chosen for the softball team, and big things like getting rejected by a person you deeply love and desire.  Rejection can hurt a little, or rejection can hurt a lot.

People who have a healthy sense of self esteem realize that getting rejected is a fact of life.  They don’t take rejection personally, and they don’t obsess about the fact that someone has rejected them.  If a person with healthy self esteem gets rejected by someone, they just tell themselves that it’s just a matter of time and effort before they are accepted by someone else. 

If you have a fear of getting rejected socially, one way to overcome your fear of rejection is to deliberately go out and try to collect a lot of rejections on purpose. Make it into a game! When you’re trying to get rejected on purpose, it’s just practice, so it doesn’t really count. This strategy is used by some therapists who specialize in the treatment of shyness.

Getting over a fear of rejection can require a lot of determination and courage. It also takes practice, practice, practice!  As I mentioned earlier, if your self esteem is deeply wounded, you will benefit from having a good therapist to help you get through the process.

You have to keep practicing new ways of thinking and new ways of behaving until they become second nature for you. A fear of being rejected doesn’t need to keep you in a prison of loneliness. If you keep trying new social behaviors, your shyness and your loneliness can become a thing of the past!

The above article was written by friendship expert Royane Real.  

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Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

Do you ever with you had a better social life?  Are you tired of being lonely?  Perhaps you suffer from shyness and you wish you could learn how to be outgoing and popular.

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