Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” 

If you are a lonely person, worried that nobody likes you, maybe the first thing you need to do is learn to like yourself.

Many people who are very lonely and who don’t know how to easily make friends or have intimate relationships suffer from a fear that deep down they are unlikable, unworthy people. 

If you feel that you are not a likeable, if you don’t genuinely like yourself, you will find it very hard to maintain good friendships and emotional relationships with other people.

For one thing, if you don’t feel worthy of anyone liking you, this attitude will be transmitted to others.  Other people will sense that you don’t like yourself, and they may decide that since you are the expert on whether you are worthy of being liked, they will follow your opinion.   

If you don’t really like yourself, you won’t believe that other people could truly like you.  If people do seem to like you, you will tell yourself that they must be mistaken.  You’ll tell yourself that it’s just a matter of time before they discover the truth about you, and how horrible you are, and then they will leave you.

How can you have confidence to approach other people in a spirit of creating friendship if deep down you believe that you’re not worth very much?  A lack of self esteem will result in a lack of courage to make friends.  A lack of self esteem may mean you never have the courage to pursue the mate of your dreams.

If you don’t genuinely believe that you are likeable, and if you have very low self esteem, you may constantly be seeking reassurance from other people that you are likeable.  Instead of demonstrating confidence in yourself, you demonstrate neediness.  Eventually other people may tire of having to prop you up emotionally. 

When you don’t believe that you are likeable, you may attract people to you who are unscrupulous and who may have bad intentions.  These people may have no trouble exploiting you emotionally, sexually, and financially because they realize you are so desperate to get approval from anybody.

When you don’t genuinely like yourself, you may be overwhelmed with a sense of inadequacy or shame any time another person seems to dislike you.  You may believe that disapproval from another person is proof of what an unlikeable person you really are.  

When you are desperate for signs of approval from other people, you will also be devastated any time you think someone is rejecting you or doesn’t seem to like you.

The fact that one or two other people don’t seem to like you doesn’t mean that you are unlikeable. 

In fact, you can’t use the approval or disapproval of others as your barometer of whether or not you are worthy of love.  You have to learn to be develop your own way of approving of yourself.  

When we are very young, we need to have a sense of approval and unconditional love from our parents.  If we don’t get that sense of unconditional love when we are very young, many of us find it hard to approve of ourselves as adults.

You have to find the courage to love yourself and like yourself.  If that courage is not easy for you to find, you may be able to benefit from the help of a really good therapist.

If you have been having a hard time finding friends and romantic partners that genuinely like you, perhaps you have been seeking for approval in all the wrong places. 

Maybe the first place you need to search for approval is within yourself. 

Make the decision that you will find the way to like yourself and love yourself, and then you can create much better relationships with other people.

By Royane Real

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Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

Do you ever with you had a better social life?  Are you tired of being lonely?  Perhaps you suffer from shyness and you wish you could learn how to be outgoing and popular.

My popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”  will teach you everything you need to know about how to make friends.  Where to find them.  How to start up conversations with people you don't know very well.  How to get over your shyness.

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