By Royane Real

Author of   “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”

Being too judgmental is a quality that can interfere with our ability to make good friendships and relationships. 

After all, friendships and relationships are based on acceptance and love.  We can’t really accept and love somebody while we are busy adding up all their good points and all their bad points.  Remember, we also want the other person to accept us, warts and all. If they are busy judging us, they are not busy accepting us.

How can you tell if you are too judgmental of the people you meet and know? 

Are you always busily looking for other people’s flaws and good points?  Are you constantly rejecting others in your mind for not being good enough?

If you are constantly judging others, perhaps this is something you feel a little bit guilty about.  After all, there is a saying in the Bible, “Judge ye not lest ye be judged.”

We all know that were not supposed to be judgmental, and yet most of us are busy judging others all the time.  While we’re busy judging others we often forget that everybody else is judging us too.

What’s really wrong with being judgmental?  One problem with being judgmental of others is that we don’t really know everything about other people.  When we judge others we often make our decisions based on just a few minutes of knowing them.  How can we really know the true heart of another person after we have only chatted with them for a few minutes?

In those few minutes, the other person has not really revealed himself to us, yet we often find ourselves making snap judgments about them. 

We also tend to be judgmental of people we have known for a long time.  Many of us are very busy evaluating the behavior and lifestyles of those we know, even if they are our closest friends.   In our minds we run an ongoing tabulation of all those things they do that we approve of, and those things we disapprove of.

Is being judgmental really so bad? 

To some extent, being judgmental of others can help us clarify what our own values really are.

For example, when we decide that somebody else doesn’t work hard enough, or doesn’t look after their children properly, it helps us realize that we believe in hard work, and we believe that children should be brought up in a certain way.  We are constantly comparing ourselves to others to see which people share the same values that we do, and which people do not.

One problem with being judgmental is that we don’t always know all the reasons why somebody is behaving a certain way.  It is quite possible that if we knew all the reasons for their behavior, we would not be so quick to judge.

Another problem with being judgmental of others is that once we have made our minds up about a certain person, we rarely change our opinion later.  We forget that other people are constantly evolving and changing.  If there is something we didn’t like about them this week, they might be totally different a few months from now.

If your friend or acquaintance gets the feeling that you are constantly judging their behavior or appearance, they will feel uneasy about trusting you.

Even though your mind may want to automatically judge everybody else, keep in mind that your judgments are not necessarily right.  Remember that everyone has a mixture of many qualities, some good, some bad.  Remember that every one is always changing.

If you remember to suspend your desire to constantly judge everyone, you have a better chance of really getting to know them as they really are. When you are less judgmental, other people will be more likely to feel relaxed and accepted by you.

Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

Do you ever with you had a better social life?  Are you tired of being lonely?  Perhaps you suffer from shyness and you wish you could learn how to be outgoing and popular.

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