By Royane Real

Are you a person who is extremely shy?  Is interacting socially with other people very difficult for you?  If you are very shy, you have probably wondered many times what is wrong with you, and wondered if there is a solution for your shyness.

Research studies have shown that almost everyone feels shy at times, depending on the situation.  People who claim they have never experienced shyness make up only about 7% of the population. 

For most people, shyness is embarrassing and mildly uncomfortable, but it usually goes away after a short while.  Thus, for the majority of the population, shyness is only a mild inconvenience.

However, there are some people for whom shyness is not just an occasional minor experience.  For these people, shyness is an intense, overwhelming, and painful condition that they experience almost all the time whenever they are around others.

People who are extremely shy often suffer terribly from shame and loneliness.  Extremely shy people may be teased mercilessly by others, or they may end up taking drugs or drinking to try to escape the effects of their shyness.  They may go out of their way to avoid social contact with others, and end up even more lonely.  

Being extremely shy can destroy relationships and careers before they even have a chance to start.  

No matter how smart, qualified, and talented a person may be, most jobs also require some degree of social skill.  A person who is very shy and socially awkward will probably find their career path very limited.

Many people who suffer from extreme shyness never get married, or they may marry someone for whom they are completely unsuited, simply because they are terrified of having to date other people.  

It has only been in the last couple of decades that psychologists have started to investigate the problem of shyness in people. 

In the past, many psychologists used to believe that extreme shyness was a type of phobia or a form of neurosis that would require many years of psychoanalysis to cure. 

Psychologists used to think they had to dig deep into every hidden corner of a shy person’s history before the reasons behind that person’s shyness could be uncovered and cured. 

However, in recent years, psychiatrists and psychologists have begun to look at extreme shyness in a new way.

Researchers and psychologists who study shyness have discovered ithat many of the previous beliefs about the causes and treatment of extreme shyness were wrong.  New treatments for shyness have been developed that can help very shy people get over their shyness and start to make friends.

There are now effective remedies for extreme shyness that work really well.  The new types of shyness therapy that work best don’t require you to delve deeply into the past to figure out where your shyness comes from.  In fact, those types of therapies that involve exploring your life history don't work very well as a way to treat shyness.

The kinds of therapies that are most effective for shy people involve working with the client in the present, teaching the client new ways of thinking, and new ways of behaving.

Two of the most effective therapies for shyness are cognitive therapy and behavioral therapy.

Cognitive therapy helps to teach the shy person how to change their inner thinking and self talk so they are no longer talking to themselves in a negative way.

Behavioral therapy aims at teaching the shy person to experiment with new behaviors, and uses a system of positive reinforcement to reward the desired behavior, and negative reinforcement to discourage the undesired behavior.

In addition to these effective forms of psychotherapy, some types of anti-depressant drugs have also been found to be very helpful for extremely shy people.

Sometimes drug therapy for shyness is used in conjunction with talking therapy, and sometimes the drugs are used on their own.

Even when a person is very committed to learning new methods of overcoming shyness, it will usually take several months for the problem to disappear, although significant improvements may take place in a matter of weeks.

This article on shyness was written by Royane Real 

Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

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