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By: Royane Real
Author of: “How to Overcome Your Shyness and Your Fear of Rejection and Have the Friends and Lovers You've Always Wanted”
People who are afraid of rejection often try to organize their lives so they can get rejected by others as little as possible.
That means that people who fear rejection won't ask other people out on dates. People who are afraid of being rejected will rarely ask others to go out for coffee. In fact, people with a fear of rejection will barely interact with the people who are around them. They may even go out of their way to avoid interacting with others.
Having a strong fear of rejection can ruin your life, because you spend all your time hiding so that you avoid any possibility of being rejected by others.
When you let your fear of rejection run your life, it will keep you lonely and at home. It will keep you quiet when you want to speak up. Your fear will keep you shrinking in a corner when you want to be popular in the middle of the room. If you let your fear of rejection take over, you will know that you are not living up to your full potential as a human being. You will feel afraid to reveal your real self.
A fear of being rejected is very strong in people who are shy, those who are emotionally sensitive, and those who have experienced a lot of childhood abuse.
Here is a technique that can help you overcome a fear of rejection.
Instead of running away from every situation where you might get rejected, start doing the opposite!
For example, if you have a fear of being rejected by women, set out to get rejected by many, many women on purpose. Make it into a game. Decide that you will try to get rejected every day by five women, and give yourself points for every rejection you receive. Once you have collected say, a hundred points, give yourself a meaningful reward.
If you're really nervous about approaching women, start out with just a very tiny change in your behavior. Just say "Hello" to every woman you meet. Count up all the rejections, all the instances where the woman doesn’t reply. Decide how many rejections you want to get in a day, and work hard each day to make that quota! You will soon realize that getting rejections in this manner doesn’t really hurt. It's just part of a game.
Once you are used to saying hello to women you don't know, it’s time to add on a new behavior. You can add a comment about the weather, or ask the woman a simple question. Keep counting your rejections, and set a quota of rejections to meet each day.
Then gradually add more complicated behaviors to this list. Start asking women out for coffee. Then start asking them out on dates. If they reject you it doesn't matter. Remember, you want to get rejected so that you can make more points.
You want to get rejected so that you can learn not to take it personally. You need to experience rejections on purpose so that you get some experience in dealing with them.
If you actually do this exercise instead of just reading about it, you can learn to experience rejection in a whole new way. Getting rejected will no longer feel like a terrible attack on your innermost being. It will simply be a light hearted exercise that you can learn to enjoy as you develop a new skill and meet new people.
The above article was written by friendship expert Royane Real.
If you have a very strong fear of rejection that is ruling your life, you can learn to be confident!
You can have the social life you have dreamed about !
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