By Royane Real

Author of Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends

Many people find it hard to make new friends when they move to a new city.  They spend months being lonely and missing the friends they left behind when they moved.  Some people find it hard to create a new social network and spend many nights alone when they would rather be with friends.

Have you ever had to move to a new city and start all over again?  Starting over in a new town can be very exciting.  It can be terrifying at times, and it can also be lonely, especially if you have moved to a big city after spending many years living in a smaller place.  Making new friends in a new city is also hard if you are somewhat shy.

Many people nowadays move to a new place every few years, usually because they need to find work, or because they are going to school.   For people who are outgoing and who make friends easily, moving to a new town is an exciting opportunity to make a lot of new friends.  For people who are shy, moving to a new town can become an exercise in loneliness.

Before you move, ask your friends and relatives for the names and phone numbers of any friends they may have in the new city you are moving to.  It’s quite possible that you won’t have much in common with these people, but if they are welcoming, it will give you the beginnings of a bit of social life. Sometimes these people can be the source of a few dinner invitations, and they may take you around your new city to show you some of the points of interest.

After a few weeks spent exploring your new town, some of the excitement will start to wear off, and you may be confronted with not wanting to go home at night because you feel lonely there.

This is the time you may start to feel as if your loneliness is unbearable, and you wonder how on earth you are going to make any friends.

If you spend too much time in your new home or apartment, it’s not likely that you will meet new friends there.   If you want to start developing a new social network, you’ll have to start getting out of your apartment and meeting new people.

If you have a job or if you are going to school, you have a big advantage.  Going to school or having a job will probably use up at least eight hours of your day, and you will be in constant contact with many people who may end up eventually becoming your friends.  However, you will still need to find a way to fill your evenings and weekends, and find a way to make new friends.

Staying home and watching television is one of the least effective ways of making new friends!

Try to keep yourself busy so you don’t get taken over by loneliness.  It’s best to do activities that involve other people and you should avoid too many solitary activities.  If you have any money, consider joining a few clubs and associations that are related to your interests or your profession.  That way you can meet other people who share your interests, which will give you a lot to talk about. You can join a gym or take a yoga class.  Sign up to learn cooking or take a French class. 

If you don’t have much money, there are probably quite a few interesting volunteer jobs you could do, but you may have to look for them.

Do you like nature? Join an astronomy club if you like stars, or join a bird watching club if you like birds.  Volunteer to help out a political campaign, or find a cause you believe in.

If you need to exercise, think of ways you could meet new people while exercising.  There may be hiking clubs or rock climbing clubs in your new place.  Feel free to try some new activities as well as the tried and true.

If you have an addiction of any sort, you may have already attended some twelve step groups that are related to your addiction.  Joining a few new support groups can be a quick way of meeting people in a supportive atmosphere.

If your spiritual life is important to you, look for a way to meet other people who share your values and beliefs.  This could mean joining a church, and participating in some of the organized activities of the group.

You’ll probably have to keep on trying to make new friends for several months, but if you persist in putting yourself in situations where you can meet a lot of people you are interested in, eventually you will build up a happy social life and make new friends.

This article was written by friendship expert Royane Real

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