By Royane Real

Author of  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”

Do you have friends that you’re constantly bailing out of trouble?  Perhaps your friends are always short of money, or getting fired for some reason, or always picking very bad spouses.  Then they come to you for help when they say they have no place left to turn.

When your friend comes calling to you asking for your help, should you always automatically help them?  Is there anything wrong with helping out your friends too much?

This is a tough question to ask yourself, and there are no easy answers.

We are often told that it is more blessed to give than to receive, especially where our friends are concerned.  Does that mean that we should jump to help out our friend every time our friend is in trouble? 

Or does helping out our friends create new problems?

Part of the answer will depend on whether or not your friend needs your help on a one time, short term basis, or whether they are endlessly getting into the same kind of trouble and making no progress in their lives.  If they have a pattern of asking you for the same kind of help over and over again, then whatever sort of help you have been giving them does not really seem to be working.  

The other question you should ask yourself when your friend starts calling for help is, “Would this person help me out as much as I help him?  Or am I always the helper and never the helpee?”  In a healthy relationship, there will be a balance of giving and receiving.  A relationship where one person does most of the giving and one person does most of the receiving is not healthy.

Even though we are often told that we should help other people with no strings attached, there is good reason to evaluate each request for help.  The reason is that if one person is always coming to you with the same kind of problem and asking for assistance, they have perhaps formed an emotional or financial dependency on you.  They may be dependent on you for emotional support or financial support. 

When you decide to automatically help out your friends whenever they ask for help, you may not necessarily be helping them in the long run, because you may actually perpetuate their dependency.

By constantly bailing them out of their problems and by making many of their decisions for them, you may be keeping your helpless friends from growing up.  You keep them from becoming fully functioning human beings who learn how to overcome their problems and their occasional bad decisions and learn how to make good decisions on their own.

Deciding you don’t want to help somebody at this particular time, or in the particular way they have asked you to help does not make you a bad or insensitive person. In some cases, deciding to turn down your friend’s request for help may truly benefit them more in the long run, if it helps them to grow up and make better choices for themselves in the future.

So, the next time you feel compelled to help somebody, ask yourself if helping them is the best decision you can make at this time to truly help your friend. Ask yourself if helping them at this time is the best decision for them, and if it’s the best decision for you.

You can learn more about creating healthy friendships and relationships in my book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” 

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Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

Do you ever with you had a better social life?  Are you tired of being lonely?  Perhaps you suffer from shyness and you wish you could learn how to be outgoing and popular.

My popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”  will teach you everything you need to know about how to make friends.  Where to find them.  How to start up conversations with people you don't know very well.  How to get over your shyness.

You'll learn how to keep a conversation going.  You'll find out what to do to keep a friendship strong and make it last.  

Isn't it time to stop being on the outside looking in?  Now is the time and here is your opportunity to change your life from one of being lonely to one of being popular. 

Testimonial from a happy reader :

"Some other authors will charge you way more for self help programs that won't be written as good as this one, but this one is packed with information and is worth every penny." Testimonial by Niko Sekuloski, Detroit

Learn more about this exciting book that can change your life forever  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” at  http://www.lulu.com/real     

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