There’s Nothing Wrong With Me – I’m an Introvert
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
When I first came across this article about being an introvert by Lee Lambert I was struck with such a sense of familiarity. The article seemed to explain so much to me about myself, although it left other mysteries unsolved.
You see, I have always had a lot of trouble knowing how to make friends and relate to people. That is why I embarked on a life long quest to learn exactly how to make friends and how to have good relationships with other people.
That is why I eventually did a lot of research on the topic of how to overcome shyness, how to make conversation with other people, how to overcome loneliness and how to make friends. That is why I have written several books and reports on these topics so I could pass along what I have learned to other people who may still be struggling with loneliness or struggling with shyness, and who want to learn how to make friends.
These books and reports on helping you to overcome shyness and to learn to make friendly conversation and make friends are available on this website, and many people have found them helpful.
I always knew that I was very shy. But in addition to having a lot of social anxiety whenever I was around other people, I also suffered from low self esteem, from a lack of confidence, depression, and in addition to all those barriers to making friends, I was also an introvert.
It has been very difficult to learn how to sort out all these various aspects of myself and to learn to overcome them and be more outgoing.
If you happen to suffer from any of these problems that contribute to loneliness, it’s difficult to know where to begin. But all of these problems can be overcome. If you are depressed or shy, a combination of cognitive therapy and anti-depressant medication may be able to lift your mood and reduce your social anxiety. Learning to improve your social skills can lead to more friendships and better friendships.
If you suffer from poor self esteem, and if this is causing you to hold back from entering into relationships with other people, this can also be overcome with the right type of therapy.
However, if you are an introvert, does this mean that there is something wrong with you? Being introverted means that you need to spend a lot of time by yourself in quiet times in order to recharge your inner batteries.
As Lee Lambert explains in her article, being an introvert does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Introversion is just a normal part of being human. Some of us are very introverted, and some of us are extroverted. Introversion is not bad, and it does not need to be theraperized or medicated away.
I heard somebody use the word “theraperized” on the Oprah show, and maybe it will become a real word.
If you are an introvert, or if someone close to you is introverted, this article will help you to understand this normal human quality in a new way.
( The above introductory comments are written by Royane Real, author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
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Feature article:
There’s Nothing Wrong With Me – I’m an Introvert
I spent the first 40 years of my life trying to fit in to a way of being that didn’t belong to me.
I would go to parties and want to hide out in the corner and watch people. I’d come home from large social gatherings exhausted. I hated having to make small talk and chat about things that really didn’t mean much to me.
While those around me would go from group to group and all talk at once, I looked on in bewilderment. I disliked large gatherings and preferred the sanctuary of my own space. I loved quiet pursuits and preferred to work by myself or in small groups. I felt like a fish out of water, both socially and professionally, most of the time.
When I was a little girl, my mother marveled that I preferred to play with my cats instead of a bunch of other kids, that I was quiet and seemed rather distant, and when I did say something, it usually was the kind of thing that seemed very deep and insightful. She always said that I marched to a different drummer, and she meant this in the best of ways, but as a child I thought that meant that there was something wrong with me. It took a long time to get past that.
Don’t get me wrong – I liked playing with other kids – one or two at a time. I like people – a lot – just not a bunch of people at once. I love conversation, but I can’t just talk and talk. I take time to think about what’s going on and being said and usually spout my thoughts in very succinct snippets. I revel in the prospect of a quiet evening at home reading or puttering in the garden.
To about three quarters of the population, I am a mystery. A weird person. Not so long ago, I might have been thought to have a mental disability. To about one quarter of the population, I am just like them. I’m an introvert.
Contrary to popular belief, introverts are not necessarily shy. And introverts don’t dislike other people. I have no problem giving speeches to large groups. And I care deeply about others. But because I live my life on the inside, I am sometimes mistaken for being distant and shy.
Here are some important things to know about introverts:
- Unlike extroverts, introverts get “recharged” by spending time by themselves. Introverts seek out solitude to replenish themselves. This shouldn't be feared or discouraged. It's how an introvert keeps mental balance.
-Introverts find social gatherings exhausting and the smart introvert will find ways to take the edge off of the feeling of being overwhelmed at a large gathering by quietly retreating to a quiet spot for a few moments now and then. This is healthy, balanced behavior, and an observant person will notice other introverts doing this as well.
- Introverts are not necessarily shy; in fact, there are many well-known performers who are introverts: Candice Bergen, Glenn Close, Clint Eastwood, Tom Hanks, Steve Martin, Julia Roberts and Noah Wyle to name only a few.
- Introverts tend to take time to absorb information before commenting or offering thoughts and opinions (that’s why they don’t say much in a crowd or at a business meeting.)
- There is scientific evidence that indicates that an introvert’s brain actually processes information differently than an extrovert’s. Really, there's a ton of research - just do a web search or head for the library.
- If you get an introvert to speak up about something they know a lot about, or feel passionate about, they may rival an extrovert in ability to talk at length. But introverts aren’t generally comfortable with small talk.
- Introversion, like any other trait we are born with, is not a choice. It just is. Or to quote Jonathon Rauch, “It’s an orientation”.
- Introverts are not miserable and they don’t need to be converted.
- Most introverts do not enjoy talking a lot on the phone (thank God for email).
- Introverts are generally very good listeners, but sometimes we get tired of listening and prefer peace and quiet.
If you are an introvert and have experienced stress because you don’t fit in – Rejoice! You don’t have to! Be who you are!
If you’re an extrovert wondering what the heck is wrong with introverts, just realize that we’re different. One way is not better than the other way. Just different, and once we all just realize that, maybe we’ll all relax with it.
Lee Ann Lambert is a life coach, garden designer, artist, author, mom and grandmom among many other things. She resides in Michigan.
For more information check out her website: http://www.leeannlambert.com
All works Copyright 2007 by Lee Ann Lambert
Article source: http://www.ladywriter.net
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