Friendship: The Unspoken Blessings and Complications
By: Bonnie Moss
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of ““Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
The following article by author Bonnie Moss reminds us of the benefits as well as the many pitfalls that can lie waiting in our friendships. As the author says, friendship contains both blessings and complications.
When we our friendships are going well, it can be like heaven. When we have bad relationships with our friends, it can be like hell.
Why does this happen? Why do our friendships sometimes turn rotten, or difficult? Why do we get betrayed by those friends we trusted? Why do we get used by our friends?
Because we all are only human. We make mistakes. We misunderstand. We become fearful or selfish. Sometimes we’re not selfish enough.
We try too hard to be good to others, and we don’t try hard enough to look after our own needs first. We sometimes are thoughtless to our friends. Sometimes our friends are thoughtless to us. Sometimes we are so desperate for friendship that we sell our selves out. We don’t protect our selves from those friends in our circle who are manipulative and cunning and who can’t be trusted.
Still, no matter how terrible the friendships we get into sometimes might be, our friendships and relationships are also the school where we can learn to do it better.
In the school of relationships, we can learn to become better, more trustworthy friends. We can learn how to set limits on other people’s behavior so that they can’t exploit us. We can learn which people we should avoid, and what sorts of behavior from others we must say no to. We can learn when it’s time to walk away, and when it’s time to stay and work things out.
We can learn what it feels like to have a relationship that is close and healthy.
( The introductory comments above were written by Royane Real. )
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Feature article:
Friendship: The Unspoken Blessings and Complications
By: Bonnie Moss
“A good friend is one who gives a kind of happiness based on knowing interconnectedness; learning to be friends to ourselves and being one to others..” Buddha
“People who can not be friends cannot make friends” ..Hazlitt 1827
“The things our friends do with us and for us form a portion of our lives, they strengthen our personality.” Goethe
Many people come and go in our lives. We call them friends.
Friendships do end or fade away- end due to unresolved conflicts, changes in socio-economic state, or distance. Demands of a growing family, a new relationship or career can diminish the time spent on being with friends- until one day, the friendship fades away.
It is also possible that friends do not "grow "in ways that we do, shared interests are no longer the same. Difference of opinion in religion and politics can be divisive.
We look to friends for companionship, social interaction, someone to listen, provide support and comfort in times of need. A friend needs to be frank and honest when needed. A friend reaches out in troubled times, shares moments of joy, and moments of victory and success.
True friends share secrets, it is a sacred trust. When this trust is betrayed, it hurts deeply leaving an irreparable damage to the relationship.
We seek a friend's point of view when major choices or decisions have to be made. A true friend understands that the ultimate action or decision is ours to make
“Sweetest things turn sour by their deeds and friendships that fester may grow into rank enmity.” ... Ecclesiasticus
Setting Boundaries
Friends can be disappointing at times. There is a line that when crossed, can mean the end of a friendship. And where do you draw this line?
Think of boundaries - no matter how freely a friend can come in and out of our lives, our homes, and infringe on our time, boundaries are important. It is a matter of respecting your privacy. Learn to say “NO” when a friend start to crowd your space. We all need a breathing space from friends. There are important matters that require time and attention.
Sometimes, too much familiarity diminishes the mutual respect a friendship deserves. This can create discord or deep-seated resentment. You be the judge. Take control, discuss this openly and frankly. This does not have to end a friendship.
What secrets do you want to share with a dearest friend? Think about this carefully. It's not that you don't trust a friend, but some secrets are better left in the deepest chamber of your heart. If you want to let it out, write it down, then burn the paper. But try to keep it to yourself
Money issues can be devastating in any relationship - be it with family or friends. Misfortune can befall a friend. What are you willing to do for your friend? Money matters have ended friendships on a bitter note. This does not have to be- set limits as to how far you are willing to help and be frank about it.
A true friend will not turn his/her back on a friend who gets in the throes of financial disaster. You know your friend well enough to reach out in times of dire straits. How far you are willing to help is up to you.
A true friend can be a real treasure in life.
Bonnie Moss writes to inspire and to motivate her readers to explore the depths of their heart and soul and make a difference in this world. She draws from personal experience and her interest in the New Age Visit her website : http://goldencupcafe.tripod.com
Article source: http://www.many-articles.com
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