Gossip: Destructive Conversation
By Chris Hall
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of: “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
Gossiping puts us into kind of a conundrum, doesn’t it?
On the one hand, we know we aren’t supposed to gossip about others in conversation. It’s not nice.
And on the other hand, gossiping with our friends can be kind of addictive. We can actually feel good when we are putting somebody else down, for a while at least. We can feel powerful because we have a secret. We feel included because we are sharing secrets with a chosen few people who seem to be hanging on our every word.
So, is gossip really all that bad?
The truth about gossip is that it can range from being very mild to very destructive. And you can’t always tell what the long term repercussions of any gossip will be.
When you repeat gossip that you have heard from others, you don’t necessarily know if it’s true. You may be simply repeating a vicious lie that someone else dreamed up to destroy somebody’s reputation.
If you repeat something you know is true, but that you were supposed to keep secret, it really shows that you can’t be trusted. Sure, you may feel powerful for a while with this secret information that you are repeating to your own closest friends, but you can’t really control where that information is going to end up. You can eventually destroy your own reputation when people decide you can’t be a reliable friend. You may lose some of your friends.
Not all gossip is harmful and destructive. Sometimes we talk about others because we are simply trying to get to the bottom of somebody else’s puzzling behavior. By gossiping about them we are really trying to understand them.
But sometimes we are using gossip deliberately to be hurtful. Even if the topic of the gossip is accurate, the information can in some cases destroy friendships, marriages and careers.
Perhaps the best question to ask yourself when you are tempted to gossip, is “Would I really want someone to be saying this about me?”
The following article by Chris Hall explores the good and the bad sides of gossip. What do you think?
(The above introductory comments were written by Royane Real )
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Feature article:
Gossip: Destructive Conversation
By Chris Hall
An occasional hour of gossip with the girls isn't so bad......or is it?
The first thing to determine is the difference between gossip and healthy "girl" talk.
Gossip involves repeating idle talk about other's private affairs or starting rumours that are intended to harm or criticize the person being talked about. We tend to use this destructive chatter to make us feel better about our positions in life. For some reason, we feel better when someone else is worse off than we are. Girl talk, on the other hand, focuses on more constructive conversation - you may be discussing something going on in another person's life, but not at their expense.
It can be difficult not to listen to gossip, although listening is just as wrong as speaking. When someone gossips and you listen, the pass is complete whether you meant to catch it or not.
The problem for the person perpetuating the gossip is that although she may seem interesting enough to listen to at the time, she can't be trusted to build an intimate relationship with. No matter how 'together' she may seem, the gossip and criticism she puts out, reveals what's going on in the inside - negative thinking, anger, hurt, and hatred.
Criticism of other people will eventually spill over into other parts of people's lives. The more we see wrong in other people, the more critical we become at home and with our more intimate friends and relations. This is because gossip and criticism actually undermine your integrity and ultimately oppress the spirit.
Perform A Reality Check
- Is the conversation destructive or constructive?
Once you have determined which, you have the choice to remove yourself from the conversation. The people who are gossiping may take notice and be offended, but in the long run you will win the respect of others. If you really feel that you need to share some information with someone about another person, first think about what your purpose and motive are for sharing it.
- Ask yourself why you are drawn into the gossip ring? Is there a sense of insecurity, self loathing, hurt, fear or anger within yourself that needs healing?
- Choose friends carefully. The special part of friendship is being able to confide in each other during rough times. This is unsafe if your friend is known to gossip.
You will find that your friendships will grow deeper once you shelve gossip and the conversations you share will be more about things you have in common with some substance.
Article Source: http://www.articleset.com
Chris Hall is the web host for Women's Health and Vitality - a resource for women that pertains to women's health issues and natural therapies. You can see the site at www.womens-health-and-vitality.com. This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
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