By Peter Murphy

Introductory Comments by Royane Real

Author of "Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”

When I was doing research for my book on how to make friends, I discovered that many people experience shyness from time to time.  In fact, children often go through a stage where they are very shy around strangers.

Parents with a very shy child are often told, “Don’t worry, they’ll grow out of it!”

Is this true?  Some of us do grow out of our childhood shyness as we become more comfortable with ourselves and as we develop better social skills.  We learn to make friends more easily.

Many of us who started out shy, also stay shy as adults.  For some of us, our shyness causes a host of problems that can be devastating, including a difficulty in making friends. 

If we are lucky, we may be only mildly inconvenienced by our shyness.  We may have mild shyness that does not have any harmful effects on our lives at all. 

It is quite common for many people to feel a bit shy when they are in new situations with new people.  Most of us know that if we just stay with the situation and spend a few minutes making small talk with strangers, our sense of panic will calm down.  As we get to know people better, we may not feel shy at all. 

Very shy people might leave long before they have a chance to calm down and get to know the other people better.

Shyness comes in varying degrees, and is not the same with everybody.   Therefore it is difficult to give advice that will work in every situation.

If a person is inconvenienced or embarrassed by physical symptoms of shyness such as blushing, sweating, trembling or nausea, these can sometimes be relieved by such therapies as biofeedback training, or relaxation exercises.

A person who is shy and who is overwhelmed by a fear that others might judge or reject him, can benefit from learning cognitive therapy.  Cognitive therapy teaches the patient a way of thinking that is very logical, whereas a person who fears rejection, quickly starts thinking many illogical thoughts.   

For example, a person who has severe, persistent anxiety in social situations may experience such automatic and illogical thoughts as:

 - If people don’t completely like me, it means that I am a social failure

 - If I am not a complete social success it is horrible and unbearable

Here are a couple of links to sites that discuss cognitive therapy to treat shyness and social phobia.  If you cannot click on them and get to the site you want, then copy and paste the web page address into your browser window.

http://www.socialanxietyassist.com.au/treatment/cognitive.shtml

http://www.socialanxiety.com.au/Treatment/Cognitive%20Therapy/treatment.htm

Below is an article by author Peter Murphy that also discusses some ways to overcome shyness.

(The above comments were written by Royane Real. )

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Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

Do you ever with you had a better social life?  Are you tired of being lonely?  Perhaps you suffer from shyness and you wish you could learn how to be outgoing and popular.

My popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”  will teach you everything you need to know about how to make friends.  Where to find them.  How to start up conversations with people you don't know very well.  How to get over your shyness.

You'll learn how to keep a conversation going.  You'll find out what to do to keep a friendship strong and make it last.  

Isn't it time to stop being on the outside looking in?  Now is the time and here is your opportunity to change your life from one of being lonely to one of being popular. 

Testimonial from a happy reader :

"Some other authors will charge you way more for self help programs that won't be written as good as this one, but this one is packed with information and is worth every penny." Testimonial by Niko Sekuloski, Detroit

Learn more about this exciting book that can change your life forever  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” at  http://www.lulu.com/real     

Feature article:

How to Overcome Shyness in 5 Simple Steps

By Peter Murphy

Being shy is really just having a feeling that you lack something.

Some people are shy because they feel they are not good enough for others or that they are not as smart as others.

Shyness can also be something that carries over from childhood when you were worried about being accepted, so you hung out in the background.  Now that you are an adult you can see that shyness holds you back and can really affect many aspects of your life.

The following list teaches five easy ways on how to overcome shyness. You can try all of them, or only one or two.

Do what it takes to help you step out of your shell.

1. Know how to carry on a good conversation.

You should learn good conversation starters. Try making a list and memorizing it or keeping it as a cheat sheet on your PDA. You need to also know how to handle awkward pauses in conversation to really learn how to overcome shyness.

Always have something to share to keep the conversation going. You need to learn how to handle rude or annoying people that may become a part of your conversation.

Learn all you can about how to carry on a good conversation. This will boost your confidence which goes a long way in overcoming shyness.

2. Tell people you are shy.

This may be the best way to learn how to overcome shyness. With many addictions the first step to stopping them is to admit you have a problem. Well, shyness is almost the same thing.

Once you tell people you are shy they will try to help you feel comfortable and overcome your shy tendencies. It also breaks the ice as others may be feeling shy as well.  Or they may have been shy at some point in their life and can share some tips with you on how they overcame it.

Just do not hide the fact you are shy. Once it is out in the open you will feel much more at ease.

3. Be happy when you try.

Overcoming shyness is not simple. You have a very deep rooted habit here and you will not cure yourself in one attempt.  Be happy when you try to fight your shy tendencies.

Look at every try as positive. Once you start associating a good feeling with not being shy it will become easier to stop the shyness all together.

4. Practice one social skill at a time.

You should start out slowly by trying to do one thing at a time. This way you can master that skill before moving on.

Once you start mastering aspects of communication and social interaction,  that is something that can help you to not feel shy. You will gain confidence and be one step closer to mastering how to overcome shyness.

5. Take some classes.

You can find classes on all aspects of communication. Maybe you do not where to start.

A class can help get your thoughts in order and give you a feeling of knowing what you are doing. Taking classes is good for someone who likes a good plan to make them feel confident.

Shyness can be almost like a crippling disease. You can fail to make friends, lose business or even start to affect your own children so they end up growing up shy as well.

Deciding you want to know how to overcome shyness is an important step, and one that should be taken by anyone who is suffering due to being shy.

Article Source: http://www.besthealtharticles.net

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: overcoming shyness