By Royane Real

Author of “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”    

Do you ever have conversations that you think are absolute failures?

These might be conversations where you worry that you said something stupid and made a poor impression on the other person.  Or they might be conversations where you seemed to get stuck in some weird and awkward place that never got anywhere better.  It’s even possible that the person you were talking with said something stupid or inappropriate and you don’t know how to respond.

When you’re in a conversation that you think is starting to fail, you might panic and get nervous.  You might even start to criticize yourself harshly and tell yourself that you can’t do anything right.  

If you ever get into situations when you think your conversation is failing, here are some tips to help you.

If a conversation gets bogged down or gets boring, or gets too personal, remind yourself that it’s unfortunate, but it’s not really the end of the world.  As awkward as it may feel while you are there, it's very likely that two weeks from now you won't even remember it.

If you’re in a conversation that you think is failing, don’t blame yourself.  After all, you’re not the only person there.  The other person also has some responsibility if the conversation gets awkward and doesn’t seem to work.  So, don’t assume that any failure or awkwardness is all your fault.

In fact, the conversation failure might be mostly the other person’s fault.

Here are just some of the reasons why conversations between two people sometimes don’t work: 

Perhaps you’re just not a compatible couple.  Maybe you don’t have enough in common to keep an interesting conversation going

Maybe you still need more time to get to know each other better. 

Perhaps both of you are nervous.

One or both of you may simply not have enough skill and experience at making conversation successfully. 

The other person may be very shy or may dislike talking to people

One of the people in the conversation may be asking too many personal questions that the other person doesn’t want to discuss

One person may be too pushy at offering advice that the other person isn’t interested in hearing or using

One person may sense that the other person seems too controlling or intimidating

There could be many other reasons for conversation failure as well.

If you notice that a conversation is failing, you can try various tricks such as changing the subject, or asking the other person some open ended questions to get them talking.

But if the conversation still doesn’t work, remember not to blame yourself.  Even if the conversation problems are mostly your fault, don’t spend any of your mental energy criticizing yourself.

Instead, it’s often best to simply end a failing conversation quickly. Put it out of its misery.  Later, you may want to try analyze what happened and decide what you will do differently next time a similar incident happens.

If the problems in the conversation happened because you didn’t have enough expertise to get the conversation going in a better direction, you can learn more ways to control the conversation better.  With more practice, and a real commitment, you can learn to become a conversation master!

It often takes time and practice to discover the best kind of rhythm and topic for conversations to work well with a particular person or group.

Nobody gets all their conversations working perfectly all the time, not even the professional talk show hosts who talk to people every night. 

Those who become the most successful at making good conversation are those who let themselves enjoy the process of getting to know other people better.  And who are willing to share parts of themselves with others, in a safe, fun and interesting way.   

This conversation article was written by Royane Real, author of the popular special report “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”   

There is some helpful advice for you in the following article by Rosanne Leaton that can help you learn how to relax more when you are having a conversation, through the use of hypnosis.

( These introductory comments above are written by conversation expert Royane Real. )

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Learn to Make conversation Effortlessly!

By Royane Real

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Conversation Power

Communication Skills for Business and Personal Success

By James Van Fleet

Renowned communications expert James K. Van Fleet will guide you through the most effective verbal communication strategies available for business, public speaking, employee relations, meetings, family, sales and even romantic encounters.  

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