By Royane Real

Author of “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”    

Most of us want to have good conversation skills.  Some people seem to be naturally blessed with the ability to make good conversation.  However, for many of us, learning to make conversation effectively seems to be a mysterious process.  The harder we try, the more nervous we get. 

When we get more nervous and more self conscious, our conversational abilities seem to rapidly go downhill.  Because we are so self conscious our ability to make good conversation dries up as our mind goes blank. 

People who are shy, or who are socially awkward have an especially difficult time making conversation.  How can people who are shy or socially awkward improve their conversation skills? This article will give you some practical ideas that you can use right away to become a more successful conversationalist.

Here’s the reason why a lot of people have trouble in improving their conversation skills.  They think that making conversation means that they should be saying brilliant things whenever  they’re talking with somebody. 

They demand too much of themselves, and they demand the wrong thing.  Instead of relaxing and letting the conversation flow, they spend their time frantically trying to judge themselves and their conversation performance.

People who are shy and socially awkward may think that by criticizing their small talk performance, it will help them improve their conversation success.  But this doesn’t work.

Actually, the opposite happens. 

The more you criticize yourself for not being a good conversationalist, the more you will mentally freeze up inside.  Your mind will go blank.  You’ll feel nervous and anxious.  You may panic and want to get away from the person you are talking with.  You may start to blush and stammer and the conversation will become even more awkward and painful. 

If you have the problem of feeling shy and awkward when you are talking with others, one important step is to stop criticizing your conversation performance.  That means that you have to stop telling yourself that you just said something stupid, or that you’re an idiot, or that the other person doesn’t like you.

To become a more successful conversationalist, you have to learn to make conversations enjoyable for yourself, and for the person you are speaking with.

It’s not really possible to have an enjoyable conversation with another person and at the same time criticize yourself. 

It’s not really possible to hear what the other person is saying if most of your mental attention is focused on telling yourself what a failure you are at making conversation.  Many people who are shy and socially awkward don’t realize that listening to the other person in the conversation is far more important than coming up with brilliant things to say.

Here are a few tips you can use to improve your conversational performance. 

When it comes to making small talk, being relaxed and interested in your conversation partner counts for a lot more than having a brilliant conversation.

Give yourself credit for starting lots of conversations and for keeping them going.  Refuse to put yourself down for your performance.  Make a game out of learning to be a better conversationalist, and stop taking the process of talking to others so seriously.  Find ways to make conversations fun for both people. 

When you’re talking with someone, you need to focus most of your attention on trying to learn about the other person.  Tell yourself that you really want to get to know this person.  Pay attention to what they are saying, and try to discover clues about what is most important to them.

Show your sincere interest by looking at them, nodding occasionally, and asking them more questions.  Listen to the answers they give you and their comments.  These comments can help guide you to areas of conversation that both of you will enjoy.

The more you learn to focus your attention on the other person, and try to discover what is fascinating and unique about them, the less attention you will pay to yourself and your nervousness.

Stop being a perfectionist! 

If you want to give yourself a grade for your conversation performance, lower your standards.  Don’t tell yourself that you have to achieve 100 % success in your conversations to get a passing grade in your own mind.

You will be much more effective and relaxed at making conversation if you decide that a grade of 70% is good enough.  You can even decide that 30 % is good enough, as long as that grade makes you relax about your small talk performance in the future.

You can learn many more ways to improve your conversation skills in my popular special report “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”   Download it today at  http://www.lulu.com/real  

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Learn to Make conversation Effortlessly!

By Royane Real

Are you tired of being tongue tied or not knowing what to say to people?  Would your life be better if you could make conversation more easily? 

Learn the secrets of making conversation with others, every where you go!  Imagine yourself talking easily to others and making new friends.  Or impressing your date with your conversation confidence.  Why wait any longer?

My special report titled : “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation" is what you need to turn from a shy wallflower to being the center of social attention. 

Learn more about this special report now at   http://www.lulu.com/real   

Conversation Power

Communication Skills for Business and Personal Success

By James Van Fleet

Renowned communications expert James K. Van Fleet will guide you through the most effective verbal communication strategies available for business, public speaking, employee relations, meetings, family, sales and even romantic encounters !

Learn more at   http://nightingale.directtrack.com/z/10475/CD1323/ 

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