Royane Real
Light Your Conversation Fire
By Peter Murphy
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of: “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”
Okay, I'll admit it - I used to be a terrible conversationalist.
The main reason for my poor conversational performance was that I was tremendously perfectionistic about myself. I was such a perfectionist that I could hardly say a word when others were around me.
If I did say something, I was always convinced it was the wrong thing, so later I would spend hours criticizing myself for not making better conversation.
Guess what? All those years of criticizing myself did not improve my conversational abilities. Then I spent even more years studying how to become better at making friendly conversation with people, and how to turn people into friends. .
There are many people who still struggle with their conversational abilities. People who have a hard time making conversation with others often wonder if there is some magical formula for making conversation that they have missed out on.
In a way, you could say there is. Here are some of the suggestions I have discovered that can help to improve your conversational performance.
Don’t worry too much about what you are going to say, and don't agonize over what you have said already. Making a conversation is an art, and not a science. That means there isn’t a particular formula for finding the correct thing to say.
When I say that making conversation is more like art, remember that there are hundreds of different styles of painting. They all look very different from each other. You might like some of those styles, and you might like some of those different paintings, but you won’t like all of them.
The paintings that you don’t like might look fine to another person. It’s the same thing with conversational styles. One person might like your conversational style, while another person won’t. If you master the basics of being polite and making friendly conversation, and then you keep practicing, you will get better.
If it seems that quite a lot of people don’t like your conversational style, then you need to look at some basic things about yourself and the way that you communicate. Are you nice to other people? Are you respectful? Do you listen? Do you talk too much about yourself? Is your body language friendly?
Many people have difficulty with making conversation because they believe they must achieve some very high standard of perfection that they don’t know how to reach. Then they get too nervous. Then they start criticizing their poor performance. Then they get more nervous. I know, because I used to be the same way.
The following article by Peter Murphy will give you more good ideas to help you improve your conversational skills.
The above introductory comments are by Royane Real, author of the special report “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation” download it at http://www.lulu.com/real
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Feature article:
Light Your Conversation Fire
By Peter Murphy
There is a great tactic anyone can use that guarantees great conversation regardless of who you are talking to.
The top movers in the world of business and even those charming people who light up any social event know this secret and you can use it too.
This is a critical life skill and thankfully it is much easier than people think to excel at conversation skills once you know the smart way to go about it. There are three simple steps to lighting the conversation fire:
1. Complete Attention.
Give complete attention to the person you are talking to. Yes, all of your attention. Resist the temptation to scan the room, play with the loose change in your pocket or start thinking about what you need to do later in the day.
Talk and listen to the person before you as if this is the most important person you have ever met and as if this conversation is the most important discussion of you life. When you do this the other person cannot help but notice the respect you are showing him. This is flattering.
You will find whoever you are talking to will respond very positively to this attention. He will warm to you, speak more freely and pay close attention to what you say.
2. Conversation is like fishing.
Small talk is the starting point. Why? You engage in small talk to fish for great topics of conversation that appeal to you and the other person - you are looking for shared interests and passions.
For this reason, and following on from step one, pay very close attention to the non-verbal behavior of the other person as he talks. You need to spot clues that indicate his interests. And, you want to avoid those topics he finds boring, annoying or distasteful.
It is easy to spot these clues as long as you pay more attention to how someone talks than to what he says. You will still hear everything he says. You then simply look for clues as indicated by more enthusiasm in his voice and body language.
3. Follow the path of least resistance
When you spot a topic that generates enthusiasm, follow that lead and drive the conversation in that direction. This is very easy to do since people love to talk about what interests them. A few good questions to open up the topic is usually all it takes.
A spark then ignites the conversation and before you know it the conversation takes on a life of its own.
Make sure to match the enthusiasm of the other person in your voice tone and in your body language. This is important. If you fail to do this you will dampen his enthusiasm.
One important point. Some topics will get an emotional response that looks like enthusiasm but are to be avoided is meeting someone for the first time. If an issue agitates the other person, their annoyance is like a negative passionate enthusiasm! This is risky ground with someone you do not know very well and is best to steer clear of.
Look for positive enthusiasm, especially topics that cause someone to smile or laugh. Make it a goal to fish for topics that make people feel good and you will make friends with new people even faster that you expect.
You can light the conversation fire anytime you want to by remembering these three points: give complete attention to the other person, fish for great topics and follow the path of less resistance.
Over time you will get better and better at each step until it becomes second nature. At this point this process will run on automatic and meeting people becomes a lot of fun.
About the Author : Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: http://www.conversationtalk.com/report.htm">conversation
Article source: http://www.content4reprint.com
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Learn to Make conversation Effortlessly!
By Royane Real
Are you tired of being tongue tied or not knowing what to say to people? Would your life be better if you could make conversation more easily?
Learn the secrets of making conversation with others, every where you go! Imagine yourself talking easily to others and making new friends. Or impressing your date with your conversation confidence. Why wait any longer?
My special report titled : “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation" is what you need to turn from a shy wallflower to being the center of social attention.
Learn more about this special report now at http://www.lulu.com/real
Conversation Power
Communication Skills for Business and Personal Success
Renowned communications expert James K. Van Fleet will guide you through the most effective verbal communication strategies available for business, public speaking, employee relations, meetings, family, sales and even romantic encounters !
Learn more at http://nightingale.directtrack.com/z/10475/CD1323/
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