By Royane Real

Author of “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation

We've all been trapped in boring conversations with people who talk on and on and won’t let us get away.

We feel so bored we want to scream and run away, but we feel trapped by our desire to be polite.  Whenever we try to signal to this boring person that we want to change the subject or leave for another appointment, they ignore us completely.

If we say that we have to go, the conversation bore seems to block our chance to escape. 

After being stuck in a boring conversation with a conversational bore once, we will think twice before we ever get involved in a conversation with that person again.  It’s more likely that we will simply run the other way the next time we see the conversation bore coming.  We might even hide until we are sure they have gone.

But what if we are the boring one? 

What if we are the one who blathers on and on too long in any conversation?  What if we are the boring person who causes other people to run away and hide whenever they see us coming?

It’s true.  We could easily be a conversational bore and not know it.

Most people who are conversation bores don’t realize it.  If you are worried that you might be a bore, you at least have a chance of fixing the problem.

In fact, if you realize that you are a bore, you can actually change.  You can fix your conversational errors and you can even become an exciting and desirable conversation partner.

People become bores for this simple reason:  they forget to pay attention to the other person.  They ignore the interests of the other person.  They ignore any signals about what the other person might find interesting or boring. They ignore all the signs that the other person might want to end the conversation. 

Bores only want to talk about the subjects they personally find interesting.  Usually their conversation is entirely about themselves:  about their own family, their own job, their health, their problems, or their operations. 

Bores have no desire to find out if the other person wants to listen to this topic.  They have no real interest in the other person’s opinion about any topic.

Most bores are simply self-centered.  Being self centered is not easy to cure.  It takes a big inner effort to switch from being totally focused on yourself to focus instead on other human beings around you.  You have to change the habits of a lifetime.

Some people are bores because they are desperately lonely, and they feel as if talking to anybody is better than being alone.

Some people are bores because they simply haven’t realized yet that they are not the center of the universe.

So, what should you do if you don’t want to be a conversation bore?  First, let me assure you that you don't have to go around asking your friends and acquaintances whether your conversation bores them.  That kind of questionning will make them feel uncomfortable, and they probably won't tell you the truth anyway, unless they want to hurt you.

A better strategy to use if you are afraid that you bore people with your conversations is to simply change the way you talk to people.

If you don’t want to be a bore, make sure you spend at least half of your conversation talking about subjects that interest the other person.  Be sure to ask people what they are interested in, and be willing to listen to them.

Let other people talk.  Find out what is interesting to them and let them talk about it.  Respond enthusiastically if you can.  Ask them questions about their life and their opinions.  Listen to them.  Watch their body language for clues.

When your conversation partner says he has to leave, let him go.

Tell him you enjoyed your conversation.  And tell him you hope you can chat again sometime.

If you have done a good job in your conversation, they will want to see you again.  They won’t run away the next time they see you coming.

Once you get used to letting other people participate in your conversations, you may find it’s actually a lot more pleasant and fulfilling to have a real two way conversation.  You will enjoy the feeling of knowing that other people actually look forward to talking to you again.

This article is written by author Royane Real.

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By Royane Real

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