Royane Real
How to Make Conversation When You Don’t Have Much in Common
By Royane Real
Author of: Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation
If you are a person who suffers from shyness, or if you are someone who doesn`t like to make small talk, you probably envy other people who easily make conversation with anybody.
You may think that learning how to talk with a wide variety of people is a skill you can never develop. Cheer up and have faith. You can learn how to broaden your appeal to other people and improve your ability to make conversation with others. You can learn to improve your conversations and make small talk successfully even when you don`t know much about the other person, and even when you have very little in common.
How is it possible to learn to make conversation successfully when you don’t seem to have much in common?
Here are two things that are important to remember about human beings when you are trying to make conversation with them.
1.) Everyone of us is different from each other in important ways
2.) Everyone of us is the same as each other in important ways.
How are we different from each other?
- We are different in our histories.
- We are different in the experiences we have had.
- We are different in the way we react to what happens to us.
- We are different in our hobbies, interests, and talents
- We are different in our fears and beliefs.
How are we the same as each other ?
- We all want others to think well of us.
- We secretly think we’re wonderful and we wish other people would recognize that
- We secretly think we might not be as good as other people and we hope nobody notices.
- We want to be happy and make connections with other people.
When you’re making conversation with somebody who seems to be quite different from you, it’s not necessary to put on an act. You don’t need to pretend to be knowledgeable about their interests if you really are not.
I remember one painful conversation I had with one of my neighbors. I suppose she was tying to do her neighborly duty in making conversation with me. My neighbor knew that I loved flowers, so she tried to make conversation with me about flowers. She kept going on and on about flowers even though she knew nothing about flowers, and I could tell she wasn’t interested in flowers. That conversation was painful for both of us and went nowhere.
The same day I had another conversation with one of my friends who also knew nothing about plants or flowers. My friend asked me, “Why do you like lilies so much?” I began to tell her, and I could tell that she was very interested in what I had to say.
Afterwords I wondered, why did the conversation with my friend work well, when my conversation with my neighbor was a failure? I could tell that even though my friend didn`t care about flowers, she cared about me. I could tell she was interested in hearing my opinion, and she wanted to know more about me as a person, even though I was different from her.
When my friend asked me why I was interested in plants, she actually wanted to know more about me. This made me feel valued and respected. I also felt more respect and affection for my friend because she showed that she was curious about me.
When my neighbor asked me about my plants, I could tell she wasn’t really interested in either the flowers, or in me. She was just trying to fill up five minutes of conversation time. It was a forced, mechanical effort. That’s what made the conversation painful.
When you try to make conversation with other people who seem to be very different than you are, you don’t need to be intimidated. You just have to show that you are interested in genuinely learning a bit more about them.
The very fact that the other person is different from you in so many ways can actually give you a lot to talk about. You will be much more successful if you can show your conversation partner that you genuinely care to hear their answers, and that you are not just making conversation to fill the time.
Show the people you are talking with that you are interested in learning the different aspects of their lives and that you value them. Then you will start to learn more about how similar we also are once you get below the surface differences.
This article was written by Royane Real.
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By Royane Real
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