Royane Real

By Royane Real

If you want to enhance your conversational skills, here is a questionnaire you can use after a conversation to see which areas you can improve.

You can use the following questions to evaluate whether you missed an opportunity to make the conversation more successful.  

And you can also use these questions to congratulate yourself on what you are doing right as a conversationalist!

1.) Did you follow up on clues the other person gave you about the conversation topics they were really interested in discussing?  Or did you ignore their hints about what topics really matter to them?

If you failed to follow up on the interests your conversation partner is showing you, remind yourself in the future to be on the alert for “hot button” topics your conversation partners really want to talk about.  Then be sure to ask more questions related to the topic the other person is really excited about.

2.) Did you ask questions that were too personal?  Or did you bring up topics the other person didn’t want to discuss?

In the future, watch out for signs that the other person might be feeling uncomfortable about the topic you are discussing. 

One way they might signal their discomfort is that they will look away from you, and the energy in their body language and their voice will suddenly drop.  If it seems that a particular topic is something that the other person doesn’t seem to feel comfortable discussing, change the subject quickly.  Find another more neutral topic instead.

3.)  Did you talk too much about yourself and not show much interest in the other person?

In the future, be sure to balance how much you talk about yourself and how much you listen to the other person talking about what they want to talk about. 

Secretly you might believe that you are the most interesting person in the world.  But guess what?  The other person secretly believes they are the most interesting person in the world.  We all want to feel appreciated for our unique form of greatness.  Let people talk more about themselves and their own interests if you really want to impress them.

4.)  Did you do your part in keeping the conversation moving along by asking the other person some open-ended questions?  Did you show your interest in the other person by actually listening to what they had to say and reacting to their comments?  Did you look at them attentively, make eye contact and smile?

Next time, be sure to show your interest in the topics the other person wants to discuss.

Once you have finished your review of your conversational performance, make a mental note of what you want to do differently next time.

And also, be sure to congratulate yourself for all the things you did successfully in every conversation!

Even if you discover that you committed a lot of conversational errors such as talking too much about yourself, or failing to listen to the other person, don’t call yourself a failure. 

Instead, call the conversation a learning experience.

Then, the next time you have another talk with the same person, or with someone else, you will be a little bit wiser and more knowledgeable about making successful conversation.

If you keep watching for ways to improve your conversation performance, over time, with more practice, your conversations will improve tremendously!

This article is by Royane Real, author of the popular report "Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation" This special report will teach you much more about how to greatly improve your small talk skills. You can learn more at http://www.lulu.com/real 

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"Some other authors will charge you way more for self help programs that won't be written as good as this one, but this one is packed with information and is worth every penny." Testimonial by Niko Sekuloski, Detroit 

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