Royane Real
How To Become An Effective Conversationalist
By: Mike Lee
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”
Most of us have two conflicting needs inside us. We have a desire to be special, unique, important, the center of our universe. Yet we often also want to feel accepted by others, a part of a group.
The problem is that we won’t be very accepted by others if we are constantly acting like we are the center of the universe. To be accepted by other people, we need to do the opposite of being the center of the universe. We need to try fit in with others to some extent.
Many of us wrestle with these two conflicting needs. Most of us have a need to get attention, to feel unique and special, yet we also have the need to be accepted as a part of a bigger group. It’s not always easy to know how to balance these two desires.
These two conflicting needs come into play with every relationship we enter, every conversation we have.
How can we conduct ourselves to get both of these opposing needs met? How can we be individuals and also be a part of a group, even if it’s just a group of two people having a conversation?
One way to meet both these needs is to take turns about which particular need we emphasize at one time. Sometimes it’s our turn to talk, and sometimes it’s our turn to listen. Sometimes we go along with the group, and sometimes we have to stand apart, or stand up for ourselves.
Learning to balance these two opposing needs within our nature is a struggle we face our whole lives, from the time we are little babies trying to get our needs met by developing relationships with those around us.
Some people fail in conversations because they let one of these needs dominate them too much. They may emphasize their need to be important. They do this by hogging the conversation, talking over others, talking endlessly about themselves, talking badly about others, criticizing them or having to be the first and the best at everything.
Behaving this way in a conversation will backfire. You won’t make any friends, and you won’t get any one’s respect.
On the other hand, being too passive in a conversation doesn’t work either. You’ll disappear into the woodwork and you will seem to have no personality at all. You’ll be suppressing your entire personality in a failed bid to gain acceptance.
What does work is creating mutual respect. Offer other people your respect by listening to them if you want their respect in return.
The following article by Mike Lee shows you some ways you can improve your conversation effectiveness by being both a part of the group while still being an individual.
( The above introductory comments are by author Royane Real. )
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Feature article:
How To Become An Effective Conversationalist
By: Mike Lee
A person may be very knowledgeable about a wide variety of subjects and updated with the latest happenings here and around the world, and yet not be very good at holding his or her end of the conversation. He or she may have a host of good tales to tell and yet provoke grunts of boredom and annoyance, instead of encouraging laughter.
What makes a good conversation? A conversation involves more than one person and demands the recognition and acceptance of the other people in the group. To be a good conversationalist, you must discuss topics that are of interest to the group, and not just to yourself. The topics you bring up should also be slanted toward your target audience. They should not be one-sided.
If you are the primary speaker, the opinions and suggestions of the other people in the group should be recognized and listened to. Just because you have the floor doesn't mean you own it 100%. Conversation requires participation and interaction.
Below are five tips on how you can be a good conversationalist.
1. Be nice.
Don't engage in useless banter. The quality of the conversation is reduced if you start criticizing the people around you or do not welcome their input. Neither should you show the other persons that you think badly of them. Maintain a professional and congenial attitude.
2. Be tactful.
Think before you speak. We often hurt other people's feelings by not being sensitive to their circumstances. This is plain thoughtlessness.
3. Keep a positive attitude.
Show the group that you are enjoying the company. Smile. Let people gather around because you have something substantial and entertaining to say, not because they are curious about what you are complaining about with your life.
4. Be open to topic changes.
People have different interests and are exposed to various stimuli. Acknowledge this fact by allowing others to shift the conversation to another subject. A good conversationalist is one that knows how to adjust nicely to these changes.
5. Show interest in what is being discussed.
Do not show impatience if somebody else is in charge of the discussion. Being a good conversationalist does not mean you should dominate every discussion that you enter. It means knowing what to say, how to say it, and when. Put your ego aside and enjoy the exchange of words and information. You can learn a lot from people, as much as you believe they can learn from you.
Effective conversation follows the realization and acknowledgement that humans are social beings. Thus, we must always be open to others' ideas and be patient enough to wait for our turn to impart knowledge to others.
You never know what wisdom you will be able to obtain by learning to listen. Do not pick arguments with others. Instead, compromise. You are not the only person in the world. Make room.
Michael Lee is the author of How to be a Red Hot Persuasion Wizard, an ebook that reveals mind-altering persuasion techniques on how to tremendously enhance your relationships & get anything you want...just like magic. Get a sample chapter and highly-stimulating "Get What You Want" advice at http://www.20daypersuasion.com. He is the Co-Founder of http://www.self-improvement-millionaires.com.
Article source: http://www.eArticlesOnline.com
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