What to Do When a Conversation Dies
By Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”
Have you ever been in a conversation that seems to be going nowhere? A conversation that gets stuck because neither person can think of anything to say? When a conversation dies?
This kind of conversation dead end happens a lot, especially when both people don’t really know each other. It can get even worse if both people happen to have poor conversational skills. They just don’t know how to get the conversation going again. They aren’t good at making small talk and they don’t know how to find topics of mutual interest to discuss.
If two people don’t really know each other well, and the conversation starts to lag, the silence can feel very uncomfortable for both of them. When the words run out and the silence begins, nobody really knows what to say to start the conversation going again.
To cope with this kind of conversation problem, and to keep your conversations from becoming boring in the future, you need to improve your social skills. You need to practice making small talk. You need to improve your conversation ability.
And you need to understand human psychology a bit better.
The truth is, everyone is the center of their own universe. Every one secretly thinks they are the most important person in the room, and the most interesting one. Not every one will admit this, not even to themselves. But everyone is secretly desperate for other people to notice it.
That is why everyone responds in a positive way to another person who seems to be genuinely interested in them. People respond to someone who will ask them questions, who want to know more about them.
How can you show your genuine interest in another person, especially if it's someone you have just met?
It's not always easy to begin with. When you first meet somebody new, you don't yet know what makes them tick. You don't know what makes them fascinating. You don't know what they are interested in. You don't know what you have in common.
To find out what makes them tick, and what you have in common, you have to ask a few social questions. These should be open ended questions and not closed ended questions.
You can use these open ended questions to find out what their favorite subjects are.
When you ask questions, you have to pay attention to the way they answer you. What is the response, interested or bored? Does any topic or question suddenly make them get much more lively?
There are some kinds of questions that can make a conversation stop, and there are some kinds of questions that can keep a conversation going.
The kind of question that doesn’t really keep a conversation going is called a closed question. A closed question can be answered with a simple one word answer, such as “yes” or “no”.
For example, if you ask the question, “Did you order the fish?” That’s a closed question. The other person will answer either yes or no. That won’t give you a lot of basis for making more conversation unless you ask another question.
However, if you ask the kind of question called an open-ended question, you will probably get a lot more dialogue going. An open question doesn’t just ask for a yes or a no. An open question is one where you want a longer response, a response that has some thought behind it.
Here’s an example of an open-ended question, “Why did you decide to become a vegetarian?” This will require a much longer answer than just one word. It shows the other person that you are interested in learning more about them, yet it is not too invasive. An open-ended question will give them a chance to talk about something which is important to them.
If you learn to use open ended questions effectively, you will find you can keep almost any conversation going. And you will discover that other people will enjoy speaking with you and you will make more friends.
This article is by Royane Real, author of the popular report “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”
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By Royane Real
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