Talking to People Made Easy
By Peter Murphy
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
Do you ever wish that you could easily attract other people as friends? Do you wish you could be a people magnet? Do you wish you could effortlessly make conversation with people you don't know very well? Are you lacking in social skills or lacking in social confidence?
If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, then there’s a good chance that right now you think it’s hard to make new friends. Perhaps you find talking to others difficult. When s you don’t have a good opinion of yourself, you will think no one else could have a good opinion of you.
You may be convinced that very few people could like you, perhaps because you are too quiet, or because you consider yourself “too different” from the rest of humanity.
All these thoughts may seem to loom in your mind as impossible obstacles to overcome.
Yet as overwhelming as these obstacles may seem to be, they have one thing in common: they are all simply beliefs that you have about yourself. And beliefs are not facts.
Beliefs are simply opinions. Beliefs can be changed.
When you have more positive beliefs about yourself, other people will be more attracted to you. You won’t be as needy, and you won’t be as negative in your outlook.
If you have very negative beliefs about yourself right now and if you believe that most people couldn’t possibly like you, this is simply an opinion. It is not a fact.
How can you change negative beliefs about yourself? It won’t necessarily be easy to get rid of your negative beliefs, especially after many years of believing them.
The first step is to identify which of your beliefs are actually negative.
This can be hard, because our mind is so filled with thousands of tiny thoughts that seem to zip through there every second. It can be hard to pin down our thoughts and know exactly what they are.
For this reason, it’s good to keep a journal. Whenever you notice what thoughts you are thinking, make the effort to write them down. Then ask whether your thoughts are positive or negative. Are they helpful or harmful?
If you notice that you are thinking very negative thoughts about yourself, one technique you can use to start to change this is the technique of repeating positive affirmations to yourself, many times a day.
For example, if you are saying to yourself, “Nobody could like me because I’m too fat.” You can give yourself affirmations such as “There are people who will like me just the way I am” Or “I love and accept myself at this present weight”
Becoming more accepting of yourself is one very important step in feeling more accepted by others. Learn more secrets of creating successful friendships in my book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” (make this a live link)
The following article by Peter Murphy will show you some ways to improve your people skills and be more successful in attracting new people into your life.
( The introductory comments which appear above are by Royane Real, who is the author of the popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” To improve your social life, download it today at http://www.lulu.com/real )
Feature article
Talking to People Made Easy
By Peter Murphy
Have you ever noticed how some personalities with 'people skills' just seem to naturally radiate a positive energy which makes talking to people absolutely easy for them?
In parties or in bars, you will see 'people magnets' - those who make a crowd gather around them because of their personality or because what they have to say proves to be irresistible to a lot of people.
The skill of having the affinity of talking to people does not need to be inborn, it can also be an acquired or developed skill.
If the thought of approaching a total stranger or talking in front of a group of people is enough to make you sweat, then you need to take steps to hone your skills so that it will be easier for you to talk to people.
Here are some tips on how you can develop your conversational and your 'people' skills:
1. Make sure to address any self-confidence issues that you have.
If you are feeling insecure about your appearance, or your personality as a whole, then you will never gain enough confidence to stand up and talk before a group of people. By gaining self-confidence, you will learn how to stand up and believe in yourself. You will be secure enough to voice your opinions without fear of being ridiculed.
More often than not, it is your own insecurities which restrict you from engaging in a spontaneous conversation with other people. This is not a good thing, because if you limit yourself to interacting with just a few friends, then you may never fully realize your potential as a person - or even as a leader.
2. When talking to other people, a little smile and a lot of honesty goes a long way.
You may be surprised at the number of friends that you will gain once you smile more often and when you are more open in conversations that you have with other people.
By being more open and friendly, you are actually trying to reach out to them. From there, the conversation will flow more freely, making it easier for others to talk to you.
People respond positively to sincerity and honesty.
By giving a little more of yourself to others, you will find not only feel better about yourself, but you can also start building better relationships with the people around you - be it a long-time neighbor, a new acquaintance or a prospective relationship.
3. Look for a common ground in the course of your conversation.
If you have exhausted the weather as the topic of your conversation, there are a lot of other things that you can talk about. Tourist attractions in nearby areas, family background, film, music and books are examples of subjects that you can discuss when talking with other people. Some people get uncomfortable when speaking about their family or private lives, so it is good to keep the conversation around light or mundane topics.
The important thing is that during the course of your conversation, look for 'clues' about what makes the other person respond positively. If they look alert and interested when you are talking about film, then you can turn this into your common ground and the conversation should flow freely and spontaneously from there.
Finally, being polite, responsive and learning how to gauge other people's reactions are all essential when it comes to talking to people. A good conversation keeps your juices flowing, and what better way is there to pass the time and make friends than by engaging in a friendly tete-a-tete?
Article Source: http://www.1articleworld.com
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversation starters
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By Royane Real
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