Author of  "Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation|"

Do you ever have trouble making conversation with others even though you consider yourself a very intelligent person? 

If so, this may puzzle you.  You may wonder why you are so poor at making conversation with others, even though you are very smart, and you know a lot of interesting things.

The truth is, intelligence and social skills don't necessarily go together,  

In fact, many people with average intelligence, and average interests are much better at making small talk and have better social skills than people who are extremely intelligent.

And many people who are very intelligent are extremely poor at making small talk conversation and may have poor social skills.

Why should this be?

Here are some of the reasons why very intelligent, very creative people often have difficulty making small talk successfully:

1.)  They may be perfectionists. These people may have very high expectations of themselves and every thing they do.  When they think they have failed at anything, they judge themselves very harshly.

If they think they are failing at small talk, they get even more nervous and tongue-tied.  Their harsh self judgment makes them so anxious they cannot relax and simply enjoy being with other people. Because they have a fear of saying something stupid, they stay silent instead.

2.)  People who are very smart may have spent most of their life trying to become very intellectually developed, but sometimes they neglect to develop their social and emotional side.

They may believe that developing their social and emotional side is not very important, or they may feel that it is too late to try learn these new difficult skills.

 

3.) They may be very serious people and believe that they should only spend their time thinking about serious matters and talking about serious matters. They may believe that talking about unimportant things is a waste of time. This makes them get bored very quickly with small talk that doesn't seem to lead anywhere. 

4.)  In some cases, people who are smarter than average actually feel superior to others and believe they should not have to waste their time with average people having average conversations. They may really truly be snobs at heart.

5.) Many very intelligent people suffer from extreme shyness or from poor self esteem. This may cause them to feel that they have nothing interesting or worthwhile to contribute to a conversation. High intelligence and high self esteem do not necessarily go together.

6. ) Some very intelligent people, particularly those who are strong in scientific and mathematical skills may have a condition called Asperger's syndrome. This condition which is believed to be related to autism, shows itself in many different ways.

Often, the person who has some degree of Asperger's is extremely good at focusing on a scientific topic, but is unable to understand the kinds of social interactions that most other people take for granted. People with Asperger's may talk in a rigid, mechanical way, and be uninterested in other people's emotional lives. 

No matter how intelligent a person is, it is still important to have good social skills.

 

Good social skills are needed for career advancement.  In addition, having good social skills is an important part of having a successful social and emotional life. 

 

Intellectual brilliance is only one aspect of a human being. No matter how intelligent a person is, a lack of social skills can hold them back in their social life and their career.

So if you are one of those people who is quite smart, but has problems with social skills and with making small talk, what should you do?

First, you must ask yourself whether improving your social skills is something that you really want to do.

If the answer is truly no, then you don't need to work on trying to improve this particular talent.

However, if the answer is yes, the good news is that you really can improve your conversational skills and your ability to enjoy small talk, and have enjoyable social relationships with others.

You will have to commit yourself to practicing new skills and new attitudes towards yourself and others. But with practice and commitment you will succeed.

By Royane Real

Learn to Make conversation Effortlessly!

By Royane Real

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