Making Conversation With Difficult People
By Royane Real
Author of: “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”
Have you ever had to try to make conversation with someone who is really difficult to talk to? Someone who just doesn’t seem to know how to conduct a conversation? Someone who doesn’t talk much, no matter how hard you try to make conversation with them. Trying to talk with a person who doesn’t really know how to keep the conversation going can be a very frustrating and unpleasant experience.
There can be many reasons why some people are difficult to make conversation with.
Sometimes the reason some people aren’t good at making conversation is because they are very shy. Some people are hard to talk with because they lack social skills. Sometimes people don’t communicate because they are depressed or hostile.
Recently I had the unpleasant experience of trying to make conversation with one of my relatives that is notoriously difficult to talk to. Even though I have had many years of experience in making conversation with people who are hard to talk with, and even though I have taught many people to improve their conversational skills in my special report, “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”, I still found this conversation a challenge.
While I was trying to talk with this very uncommunicative person, I knew the problem with the conversation wasn’t my fault. I knew I was doing everything right. I was asking lots of open ended questions. I was looking for signs of interest on his part. Still, no matter what I said to him, and no matter what I asked him, all I got in return was mumbled one word answers. He wouldn’t look at me. There were no facial expressions, no sign of interest, and no eye contact in return.
Talking with this relative of mine whom I have known well for over forty years was a challenging and painful experience. In fact, I was thinking to myself that if I wasn’t related to this person I wouldn’t be trying to talk to him. I would have given up trying to make conversation with him long ago.
Why do I persist in trying to talk to this person if it’s so hard to have a conversation with him? One part of the reason I still try to talk to him is because we are related and I see him often. The other reason I keep trying to talk to him is because I know he is very lonely. At the age of fifty he doesn’t have any friends, and doesn’t seem to know how to make any.
For some reason this man is not willing, or is unable to make the effort to try to meet another person half way in making conversation. I don’t know if the reason he has such a tough time making conversation is because he is very shy, or if he is very depressed, or if he totally lacks social skills. He seems to have no interest in trying to change. I don’t even know if he even realizes that his refusal to make conversation with other people is related to his lack of friends and total lack of a social life.
He always waits for someone else to do all the work in making conversation, and in trying to be friendly. He doesn’t seem to get that he has to make the effort to participate in conversations, to show interest in other people, and to answer their questions.
In fact, it was the existence of this very lonely person in the heart of my family that inspired me to create my special report on making conversation. My relative has refused to read it. Perhaps he doesn’t want to change.
I’ve had to accept that he doesn’t want to learn how to make conversation or how to make friends, that is his right to make this choice.
The above article is by author Royane Real.
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By Royane Real
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