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Conversations, Small Talk and the Secret to Making Friends

By Peter Murphy

Introductory comments by Royane Real

One of the key ingredients needed for creating new friendships is making conversation with other people.  These conversations can include people you don't really know very well, as well as the people you have just met and don't yet know.  After all, your friendships and relationships have to start somewhere.

If you are skilled at making social conversation, you have a much better chance of making more friends, expanding your social life, improving your romantic prospects, and enhancing your career potential. 

In this following article from Peter Murphy you can discover more tips to make successful small talk.  Some of us are very good at making small talk with strangers, while others struggle with this basic social skill.  If you have difficulty making small talk with strangers, you will probably find many benefits if you improve your small talk skills.  

If you review the friends you already have in your life, you will see that they all started with neither one of you knowing each other.  You were strangers.  But at some point the two of you started to talk, and after a period of one or perhaps many more conversations, you developed a relationship.  Eventually this relationship deepened into friendship through the process of making conversation.

If you want to make new friends in your life, you will have to continue this process.  That means, you have to keep making conversation with new people, if you want some of them to become your friends.  And it also means you will have to overcome any awkwardness you feel about having a conversation with somebody new that you don't know very well.  For many people, that means they should practice and improve their small talk skills.

There is more to being a successful conversationalist than simply knowing how to talk. You also need to know how to listen.  Once you know how to start a conversation and keep it going, you will find your life becomes much more pleasant.  You know that wherever you go, you will always be able to strike up a conversation and meet new people.

The more new people you meet and talk to on a regular basis, the more likely it is that you will meet somebody who can become your friend. 

Although many of us wish we knew how to make more friends, a lot of us have problems with the very first step in this process.  The step of starting a conversation with someone we don't really know. The more we practice this important skill, the better we will perform in conversation situations.

The above introductory comments were written by author Royane Real.

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 Feature article:

Conversations, Small Talk and the Secret to Making Friends

By Peter Murphy

Small talk is often dreaded many people. It is seen as the awkward and difficult part of conversations. Small talk comes before a drawn out conversation or is just a small conversation in itself.

Small talk doesn't really require witty stories or much detail, actually. Most people see small talk as something you do as a friendly hello or to take up time before a more interesting conversation comes along.

In reality small talk can be interesting.  It does not have to be just to pass the time and it definitely does not have to be uncomfortable.

The following tips outline some great pointers for how to make small talk less of a chore and more fun. You will find information on what to say, how to ease your nerves and above all, how to keep small talk from getting out of control.

1. Set a comfortable tone.

You do not want to give the feeling that you are uncomfortable with the conversations you have. You should take control of the conversation, initiate topics and keep things going.

If you sense the other person is uncomfortable, then you should try changing the topic or letting them take over the conversation. The whole idea is that small talk should not feel odd or awkward.

2. Start out small talk conversations by talking about something obvious.

If you happen to run into an old friend in the store and she has a new baby, then comment on the baby. If you are meeting someone for the first time and trying to strike up a conversation, then look for something about them to talk about.

For example, if they are wearing a shirt with a cute saying or picture, comment on that. Most people find it easy to talk about themselves, so this is a great place to start.

3. Ask questions to keep conversations flowing.

Try not to ask the same type of question over and over. For example, do not keep asking "why" questions.  Mix it up a little and use them all: "who, what, when, where, why and how" questions.  This will keep your conversation questions interesting.

Try to avoid the mundane questions like, 'Where are you living now?' or 'What have you been up too?'. These worn out questions can make a person believe you would rather not be having a conversation with them, but you are because it would be rude to just walk away.

4. Use a good topic to base your conversations around.

The main things people talk about during small talk are: family, occupation, hobbies, and anything they are passionate about.

Starting out asking a question regarding one of these topics to get the other person talking. You can ask questions and get great feedback. Starting out with something they know about will ensure you get them to talk.

5. Remember to keep small talk conversations short.

Nothing is worse than a small talk session dragging out into a full blown hour long conversation. Most people have something else on their agenda when they begin small talk, so keep that in mind.

If you are really interested in what they are saying and wish you could talk longer then get their email address or phone number and continue the conversation later.

Following these pointers will help you be able to carry on effective and interesting small talk conversations. You can avoid those strange periods of silence where you never quite know what to say.

You will also be able to make the other person feel good about your conversation. Small talk can be a good time. You just have to know the right way to do it.

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Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: art of conversation 

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