By Royane Real

Author of Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation

When you were growing up, it’s not likely that anyone ever sat you down and explained the rules about making small talk to you.  

In most cases, the rules about making small talk are something you are just expected to pick up on the street as you grow up.  Some of us grow up able to make small talk easily, but many of us are awkward and tongue tied.  We get nervous when we have to talk to people we don't know very well.   We don't know how to start a conversation and we don't know how to keep it going. I know this because I used to belong to this group for many years!

Many of us don’t really know how to use small talk effectively.   If we are not socially confident, we envy those who make conversations easily.  We may wish we knew what their secret is.   

Well, here’s a secret fact I have discovered about those people who make small talk easily:  their main secret is that they are not paying too much attention to what they are doing.  They are not agonizing over what they say.  They are not worried about what the other person is thinking about them.   That is why it’s so easy for them to make all sorts of comments and questions about a whole host of different topics.  

If you are somebody who finds it very difficult to start up a conversation with somebody new, you may have wondered why some other people are able to get conversations going so easily.  While I was putting together my special report on improving conversation, I researched this particular question.   I wanted to discover why some people seemed to be able to make conversation so easily, while for others such as me, it was a real struggle.   You may find some of the answers to this question surprising.  

Here are a few reasons I discovered that explain why some people find it so easy to start up conversations, and why others find it very difficult to make conversation, especially with people they don't know very well.  

Some people are simply born very outgoing and that seems to be the reason that it is so easy for them to think up topics to say to others.  They may be natural extroverts, preferring the company of other humans to being alone.  Not all people are extroverts by nature, many people are introverts.

If you happen to be an introvert, you cherish your private time and you may find a lot of interaction with other people to be exhausting.  As an introvert, you will be far less likely to engage in conversations with people unless you have to.  If you don't start many conversations with other people, it may be that you are introverted.

Another factor that explains why some people find it easy to make conversation and others do not is because of confidence.  Many of the people who make small talk easily are very self confident.  People who are truly confident rarely worry about what someone else might think of them.  If you’re not self confident, you may be afraid to speak unless spoken to, in case you make a mistake.

If you have poor self esteem, you may feel torn between wishing that others would notice you, and wishing that you could hide.  You are convinced that others will quickly discover that you're not good enough.  You fear making conversation with others because you may expose your lack of confidence.

Not everyone who talks a lot is filled with self esteem.  You have probably noticed that some people who talk all the time are actually very arrogant and conceited.  These people always believe they are the most important, most interesting person in the room.   They are not interested in interacting with other people, and they certainly don't have any interest in listening to them during a conversation.  For these people, an ability to talk a lot is rooted in their arrogance and conceit.

There are many people who talk a lot because they lack emotional sensitivity.  They won’t notice, or particularly care whether the people around them actually want to participate in the conversation.  A lack of interpersonal sensitivity makes it easy to talk, but it does not lead to conversations that are satisfying or interesting.

Some of the people who talk a lot are actually extremely anxious.  They talk to fill up some void within themselves so they won’t notice how scared they are. They hope that if they talk non-stop, nobody else will notice how nervous they are.

If you have problems making small talk, you might not be able to change yourself into an extrovert, and you might not be able to become self confident in a hurry.  But one thing you can do is to study some of the hidden rules of making conversation.    

I wasn’t born knowing how to make small talk easily. 

In fact, making conversation with others was extremely difficult for me.  I was very shy, very quiet, and had no self confidence, and terrible self esteem.  I was lonely a lot.  I was very jealous of people who were able to talk a lot.

Eventually I decided I had to get better at making friends, and get better at making conversation.  I spent many years trying to overcome my problems, and eventually I learned so much about improving conversation skills that I decided to write a special report to show others how they could improve their conversation performance.   

This report is titled  “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation and it’s available at http://www.lulu.com/real 

( These introductory comments above are written by conversation expert Royane Real. )

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Learn to Make conversation Effortlessly!

By Royane Real

Are you tired of being tongue tied or not knowing what to say to people?  Would your life be better if you could make conversation more easily? 

Learn the secrets of making conversation with others, every where you go!  Imagine yourself talking easily to others and making new friends.  Or impressing your date with your conversation confidence.  Why wait any longer?

My special report titled : “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation" is what you need to turn from a shy wallflower to being the center of social attention.  

Testimonial:

"Some other authors will charge you way more for self help programs that won't be written as good as this one, but this one is packed with information and is worth every penny." Testimonial by Niko Sekuloski, Detroit

Learn more about this special report now at   http://www.lulu.com/real   

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