Introductory comments by Royane Real

Author of  “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation”

Imagine this:  you are at a social function, related to work, and you have to go into a roomful of people you’ve never seen before.  People are standing around in little groups making chit chat with each other.  You don’t know a soul in the room.

Does this kind of situation terrify you, or does it fill you with excitement?  Would you find it easy to wade into the crowd of strangers, and start conversations with them?  Or would you feel nervous and awkward about trying to make small talk with people you don’t know?

Many of us would feel intimidated in this kind of situation.

What would hold you back?  In most cases it’s fear: fear of rejection, fear of being judged, or fear that you'll end up in an awkward conversation.

What’s the worst thing that could happen?  It’s true that we really could say something stupid, we really could look uninteresting and unintelligent, and we really could get partly into a conversation that goes completely dead.  Then we would just stand there awkwardly feeling like huge failures.

So, instead of trying to make small talk with anybody, many of us hold back starting a conversation until someone else talks to us.

Here’s a tip that can make it a lot easier for you to start up new conversations:  the best way to start a talk with a new person is to ask them some questions. You have to ask the right sort of questions of course.  You need to find the right balance between questions that are too general and those that are too personal.

A question that’s very general might be a good place to start with a total stranger, but after a while you want to be discussing something with a bit more substance.  A question that’s too personal might turn them off right away.

If you want to be a successful conversationalist, you have to tune into the other person.  You have to be alert for signs that you have hit on a conversation topic that really interests them.  When you make an effort to spend more time discussing the topics that are of interest to them, you show them that you care about them as a person. 

This makes them want to talk to you more.  If you both genuinely enjoy talking to each other, a deeper relationship can develop in time.

You can get more conversation help in my popular report “Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation  available at http://www.lulu.com/real  

( These introductory comments above are written by author  Royane Real. )

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By Peter Murphy

If you are not a 'people person' or a good conversationalist, you may find it quite difficult to start the ball rolling and make small talk whenever you are in the company of a room full of strangers.

If you do not get over your fears, your inability to make small talk will prove to be a disadvantage and will inhibit you from widening your social circle. Thus, you need to exert some effort into developing your 'small talk skills'.

One aspect of being a good conversationalist is knowing which type of small talk questions can break the ice and make others respond in friendly conversation with you.

Take a look at these small talk questions to get the conversation going the next time that you make small talk:

1. Work-Related Questions

"What do you do?" is a sure-fire conversation starter if you do not want to discuss mundane topics like traffic or the weather.

Someone's profession is personal enough to get them talking, but not too intrusive, especially if you are speaking with a total stranger that you have just met at a social function.  Small talk questions which are work-related can keep the ball rolling.

While you are engaging in small talk, it also helps to really listen to the way that they answer your questions.

By listening intently and looking the person in the eye while engaging in small talk, you can gather clues about the aspect of their work that they are most passionate about and take your cue from there.

2. Questions about their Interests

Finding something that you have in common is one of the keys for a good conversation to take off.

When you are engaged in small talk, ask about the other person’s interests. You can ask about the latest movie that they've seen, the type of music that they listen to, or a book that they may have read. This is where you can put to good use your knowledge about a wide range of topics.  A lot of people feel comfortable with others who share a common interest.

3. Family-related Questions

People love to talk about their families. If, for example, you happen to have a glimpse of a family picture, casually ask the person about them and if they have a close-knit family.

Do not, however, be overly intrusive since casual acquaintances may not feel comfortable if you delve a bit deeper into their personal life. Keeping your tone and your questions casual is the key to making small talk when using family-related questions to keep the exchange of words flowing.

4. Questions about General Topics

Current events, movies, music, fashion, food - these are just some of the general questions that you can present when making small talk.

If you have the opportunity to make small talk but you cannot think of anything 'witty' to say, asking questions about general topics is usually your safest bet.  

Asking people about their view on current events or world events will express your interest and knowledge about what is happening around you.

Just as it is important to know which questions to ask when making small talk, it is also vital to know how to respond to the subject brought up by the person that you are chatting with.

These small talk questions should give you enough of an edge to survive any type of social scene where you need to engage in mundane conversation with other people.

By learning how to engage in small talk, you will have additional opportunities to go out and widen your social, and also your professional circle.

Article Source: http://www.1articleworld.com

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversation starters 

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